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2020.09.24 06:13 TheMidnightArchive The Abduction and Murder of Amber Hagerman

A Trip to The Grocery Store
The late winter in Texas is a mild time usually, with steady wind and a biting chill in the air. The season is one of change, the life force of the previous year is fading away to succumb to a newness imbued by the heat of the Spring and Summer. January 12th, 1996 in Arlington, Texas was no different, the sun was shining, the wind was steady, and the temperature hovered around the mid-sixties. On this day Donna Whitson and her two children, nine-year-old Amber and five-year-old Ricky Hagerman were in Arlington visiting Donna’s parents, Glenda and Jimmie Whitson. The family arrived at their destination around 3pm and upon disembarking Donna’s car the kids asked to ride their bikes, the ones that Donna had her parents keep at their home for them. Donna, without a second thought, assented to the request with the limitation that the kids stay within a block of their grandparents’ home. She wanted them to be safe.
Once astride their bicycles and away from nagging adults, Amber disregarded the boundary set upon her and her brother. Amber led Ricky to the local neighborhood play spot, a shuttered Winn-Dixie grocery store and after approximately 15 minutes of riding around the parking lot and loading dock the younger Ricky was ready to turn back home, whether out of fear of being beyond their boundary or being tired is unknown. What is known is that Amber had elected to stay and ride her bike around the parking lot of the store on her own for a while longer, that Ricky went home alone, and that in the intervening time something horrible would happen to Amber that would shape substance and conscious of the her family forever.
On January 12th, Mr. Jim Kevil was sitting on his back porch looking out over his yard and fence, a view that happened to encompass the next-door Winn-Dixie store’s loading dock and the street it was on. Around 3:15 pm Mr. Kevil saw a lone young girl riding a colorful bike around the grocery store loading dock when a dark colored truck quickly pulled into the parking lot. Jim Kevil would later state that the driver of the truck was either white or Hispanic and between the ages of 25-40, this unknown subject grabbed Amber, who let out a scream and began kicking her abductor. The driver then put Amber in his vehicle before he sped off West bound down Abrams Road. Not just a passive witness, Mr. Kevil called 911 to report the incident to the police and to try to aid in the capture of the kidnapper and the return of the little girl. This would be the last time that anyone would see Amber Hagerman alive.
After arriving home alone five-year-old Ricky Hagerman was sent by his family back to the Winn-Dixie to retrieve his sister. Turning his bike around Ricky did as requested, only to return to an empty parking lot. Only a brief eight minutes had elapsed since he had last seen his sister, but it was too late; Amber was gone. Ricky once again arrived alone to the Whitson home prompting Grandfather Jimmie Whitson to race to the store in his car to search for Amber himself. Jimmie would arrive at the store at about the same time as an Arlington police officer, summoned by Jim Kevil’s 911 call did; the only remnant of Amber was her abandoned bicycle.
Law Enforcement, including the local police and the FBI (involved as a result of the pleas of Amber’s distraught family), coupled with a mass of volunteers began a wide net search for the missing girl, but came up empty. Amber had vanished.
Discovery
January 16, 1996 is a day that Amber’s family will never forget. Four days after she had been taken by an unidentified male from that Winn-Dixie parking lot, Amber Hagerman’s body was discovered in the early morning hours by an anonymous man walking his dog near the Forest Hills Apartment Complex in Arlington, Texas. Her body was found face down in a creek approximately 4 miles from her abduction site. Prior to this, apartment maintenance workers had been in that area and seen nothing, suggesting that the remains were either placed there after the workers had left or moved down stream by a torrential rainstorm that had just occurred. Amber’s family was informed shortly after the discovery, shocked they initially refused to believe the news with her father quoted in a New York Times article written at the time as saying, “She’s still alive” to the reporters covering the case and camped outside the Whitson home.
Amber was discovered wearing nothing but a single sock and the medical examiner would later confirm investigators suspicions, there was evidence of sexual assault and physical abuse, the cause of death: lacerations to the neck and throat. Additionally, the medical examiner stated that there was evidence that Amber had been kept alive for at least two days after her abduction before she was murdered, and her body disposed of.
Investigation Still Ongoing
More than 20 years later the investigation is still technically ongoing, to date the Arlington Police Department (APD) has not formally announced that they have any suspects or persons of interest. APD Detective Ben Lopez stated in a recent interview that the APD still receives tips regularly regarding the case and the department thoroughly investigates each one like it could be the piece of the puzzle that finally gives Amber’s family closure and justice.
An explanation of this unsolved murder most likely lies in the fact that Amber’s body was left in running water for an indeterminate amount of time, coupled with the storm that raised the creek level and most likely moved the body from the dump site, forensic evidence would have been all but erased and any physical evidence diluted or washed away. Not helping the investigation is the fact that there is only one witness to the crime: Jim Kevil was the sole person to come forward with information regarding the abduction, despite the fact that Amber was taken in broad daylight on a residential street. To date no one else has come forward with evidence or statements to aid in the apprehension of the unknown subject. Some reports assert that this is a result of the immigrant community in the area and the traditional apprehension of this population in talking to law enforcement thought that remains unsubstantiated speculation.
It is believed that Amber’s abductor and murderer was a stranger to her given that he took her by force and did not attempt to talk her into his vehicle. With this, I agree with the official narrative. Where I differ is on why Amber was taken. Based on the speed at which the abduction occurred it suggests to me that Amber may have been watched for some time before being taken. As stated previously Amber Hagerman was abducted in a window of approximately 8 minutes from when her brother left and then returned to bring her home. The official narrative is that this was an act of extreme opportunity when the perpetrator just happened to be driving by when he saw her alone. This would suggest that there was an event that triggered sporadic actions in the perpetrator, to quote a popular television show there must have been a stressor that induced this action.
Regardless of the why, the fact of the matter is that Amber Hagerman’s killer is still at large. He has gone unpunished for his heinous actions against this innocent little girl and by extension her family. As a result of chance and a fluke of nature no evidence or additional witnesses remain of what happened on that fateful winter day. Amber’s killer is nameless, and her family is left with no closure or answers, only questions and heartache.
Possible Suspects
Richard Lee Franks
Richard Lee Franks was charged on March 16, 2000 with the aggravated kidnapping of Opal Jo Jennings from Saginaw, a town a few miles north of Fort Worth. On March 26, 1999 6-year-old Opal was playing with her 3-year-old cousin in a vacant lot next to her grandparent’s house when Franks pulled up to the lot in his black Mercury Cougar. He then exited his vehicle and approached the kids feigning conversation with them. When Franks was close enough, he plucked Opal off the ground, punched her in the chest and put her in his car. What happened next was not unlike in Amber’s case, a large-scale search was launched for Opal led by her family and the local police department, it would not be for five years that Opal would be found. Her remains were discovered in a wooded area while two individuals were riding their horses along a remote trail. As a result of the state in which the remains were found, there was little physical or forensic evidence. What was clear was that the cause of death was most likely the result of a blow to the head. Franks would later be charged with Opal’s kidnapping but not her murder as there was no evidence to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Franks had indeed murdered her. In fact, he claimed that he had driven her to a local store to get a drink and left her there. What lends credence to Franks as a potential suspect is the similarity between Amber and Opal, and the way that they were taken. Both were seemingly impulse driven abductions based on the speed in which they occurred.
This link between Opal and Amber was not solely based on the research of internet sleuths. Mark Simpson, an investigating officer in the Hagerman case in an address to the National Children’s Advocacy Center’s 26 Annual National Symposium on Child Abuse to the fact that Franks had prior criminal history involving children, all young, brown haired girls and that Opal’s kidnaping occurred in the same county as Amber’s. Based on proximity, prior history, and similarity in method at the very least one could expect that APD would investigate Franks as a person of interest however, that has not been the case.
Terapon Adhahn
Born in Bangkok, Thailand. Terapon immigrated to the United States as a child when his mother married a U.S. serviceman and he returned to the United States. As he grew older Terapon would become a Buddhist monk as well as follow in his stepfather’s footsteps and join the U.S. Army. Adhahn has been connected to (either directly as the known perpetrator or suspected) multiple offenses, both resolved or unresolved, against children throughout Washington State including rape, kidnapping, and murder. He has also been questioned in connection the Amber Hagerman case by APD though has not been named as an official suspect.
In 1990 Adhahn was charged with sexual assault against a 16-year-old relative. This charge would result in him being forced to register as a sex offender and enter rehabilitation but as a first offense was not enough for him to be deported.
On May 31, 2000 an 11-year-old unnamed (for reasons of privacy) Spanaway County Girl was abducted on her way to school. She was bound and taken to a secluded training field close to the Fort Lewis Military Base where she was repeatedly assaulted over the course of an hour. After the assaults Adhahn left her bound on a road nearby where she would be discovered walking, still bound with her eyes taped over, by a Tacoma City Police Officer.
In December 2005, Adre’anna Jackson would also be abducted on her way to school, she disappeared from Lakewood in Pierce County, Washington and was never seen again. Over a year later, April 2006, skeletal remains were found in a field near her Tillicum neighborhood. Investigators showed pictures of Adhahn to residents who identified him as a known handyman who frequently worked in the area. He is regarded as a person of interest in this case.
On July 4, 2007 Zina Linnik had been watching a firework display with her siblings on a hilltop near her home when her father, Mikhail Linnik, on his back porch presumably also watching the display, heard his daughter cry out. When he arrived at the spot that Zina was taken all that was left was a single shoe she had been wearing, Mikhail also saw a gray Chevy Astro van speeding away and he was able to partially make out the license plate. Four days alter Terapon Adhahn was arrested for the kidnapping of Zina. However, this speedy apprehension was not enough, on condition of prosecution not seeking the death penalty, Adhahn led investigators to the remains of young Zina Linnik. She had been strangled with a zip tie though Adhahn would claim that her death had been an accident.
Additionally, while living in the Tacoma area, Adhahn was responsible for the care of an unnamed (again for the sake of privacy) 12-year-old girl. Her mother allowed the girl to live with Adhahn since she was unable to provide for her daughter, Adhahn only a “friend of her mother’s boyfriend”. Over the course of the next three years Adhahn would subject the young girl to repeated sexual assault, stopping only when she was able to run away after being assaulted at gun point.
Why Terapon Adhahn? It has been reported that, coupled with his extensive and horrendous history with children, Terapon lived for a time with his aunt in the Fort Worth area around 1996. During the investigation, law enforcement noticed striking similarities in the method of kidnapping, assault, and victims in the Adhahn case and with a few officers having been trained in Texas for the Amber Alert System, were familiar with the Hagerman case. Additionally, he used a similar vehicle in the Fort Lewis incident as was seen in Amber’s abduction. Terapon has been question regarding Amber's abduction and murder though not formally named as a suspect or even a person of interest.
Similar Cases
Heidi Seeman – San Antonio, Texas
On August 4, 1990 11-year-old Heidi Seeman was walking home from a sleep-over at a friend house the previous night. Her unnamed friend walked Heidi a part of the way home, to a midpoint between their houses at the intersection of Stahl road and Willow Run Street. Approaching the intersection Heidi’s friend as well as neighbors in the area reported seeing a red car with dark tinted windows pass by the girls slowly, and the driver watching them intently. Thinking nothing much of it, the girls parted ways and Heidi was never seen again. On August 25th, 1990 her remains were found in Hays County, Texas. No additional details were released regarding her death aside from the fact that a medical examiner ruled her death as a result of homicide.
Erica Botello – San Antonio, Texas
Closer in circumstance to Amber Hagerman, 7-year-old Erica Botello was taken on August 23, 1990 from the playground (or road next to depending on source) near her apartment complex. She was not unsupervised or alone the entire time she was playing. Erica was with her Father however he stepped inside for a brief time. When he went back outside, Erica was gone. Her remains would be found on August 25, 1990 in a storm drain about a mile from her home and abduction site. There is little information regarding Erica’s as she was and is eclipsed by the case of Heidi Seeman, a young white girl just a few years older than Erica, a girl of Hispanic dissent, from a wealthier side of San Antonio to the working class area that the Botello family lived in. Any information found on Erica is usually limited to brief sentences and always in tandem to Heidi.
Legacy and Aftermath
What happened to Amber Hagerman is not a mystery, it is known. She was taken from her family, held and assaulted over the course of two days, killed, and her body was disposed of in a creek not far from her abduction site. Her killer did all of these things without leaving any evidence, and slipped away. What isn't known is who did those things to her? Was it someone she knew? Had that person been watching her? Was this all really the result of chance and opportunity? One can hope that these questions, and more, will be answered one day but with each passing day the possibility that they never will be becomes all the more real.
It has been 24 years since Amber Hagerman was abducted and murdered yet her legacy lives on.
Amber’s abduction and murder was the impetus for the creation for the AMBER Alert System. This is a coordinated effort between law enforcement, radio, television, and cellphone broadcast systems to alert the general public in the region of an abduction to the incident and any information that law enforcement has on the abduction such as their physical description as well as the description of the vehicle they were last seen with. This system has resulted in the safe return of almost 1,000 children in the United States since its inception as a regional program in 1997, then national (and international) in 2000 however it is also under scrutiny for saving so few and being so annoying as an alert results in an alarm blaring through the device that receives it, and for saving so few. Critics question whether it saving just one life is worth it, is saving so few worth it?
I say yes.

Sources
Amber Hagerman
Arlington police mum about whether DNA evidence exist in unsolved Amber Hagerman case
CRIME HUNTER: Sleep interrupted? Think about Amber Hagerman Toronto Sun
[APD "Missing" flyer for Amber Haggerman, 1996] - Side 1 of 1 - The Portal to Texas History
AA28.pdf
Gale In Context: Biography - Document - Body of Kidnapped Texas Girl Is Found
Body of Girl Who Was Dragged Screaming Off Bicycle Is Found - Los Angeles Times
How Were Amber Alerts Created? The Amber Hagerman Cold Case - A&E
Child abuse symposium speaker tells of similar abduction/murder cases with different endings - al.com
Richard Lee Franks
Medical examiner: Remains are those of missing girl - Plainview Herald
Richard Lee Franks Texas Prison Inmates The Texas Tribune
FRANKS v. STATE FindLaw
Family prepares to bury girl who was abducted five years ago - Midland Reporter-Telegram
FBI, Texas Rangers investigating death of 6-year-old girl in Saginaw Fort Worth Star-Telegram
Terapon Adhahn
Adhahn pleads guilty to murder of Tacoma girl, 12 The Seattle Times
Killer of Tacoma child reveals motive in papers The Seattle Times
Terapon Adhahn pleads guilty to rape, murder of Zina Linnik HeraldNet.com
Child abduction-rape investigation widens - seattlepi.com
Heidi Seeman and Erica Botello
August marks 30 years since disappearances of Heidi Seeman, Erica Botello
1990 kidnapping, murder of two San Antonio girls still unsolved
submitted by TheMidnightArchive to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:08 TheMidnightArchive The Abduction and Murder of Amber Hagerman

The Abduction and Murder of Amber Hagerman
A Trip to The Grocery Store
The late winter in Texas is a mild time usually, with steady wind and a biting chill in the air. The season is one of change, the life force of the previous year is fading away to succumb to a newness imbued by the heat of the Spring and Summer. January 12th, 1996 in Arlington, Texas was no different, the sun was shining, the wind was steady, and the temperature hovered around the mid-sixties. On this day Donna Whitson and her two children, nine-year-old Amber and five-year-old Ricky Hagerman were in Arlington visiting Donna’s parents, Glenda and Jimmie Whitson. The family arrived at their destination around 3pm and upon disembarking Donna’s car the kids asked to ride their bikes, the ones that Donna had her parents keep at their home for them. Donna, without a second thought, assented to the request with the limitation that the kids stay within a block of their grandparents’ home. She wanted them to be safe.
Once astride their bicycles and away from nagging adults, Amber disregarded the boundary set upon her and her brother. Amber led Ricky to the local neighborhood play spot, a shuttered Winn-Dixie grocery store and after approximately 15 minutes of riding around the parking lot and loading dock the younger Ricky was ready to turn back home, whether out of fear of being beyond their boundary or being tired is unknown. What is known is that Amber had elected to stay and ride her bike around the parking lot of the store on her own for a while longer, that Ricky went home alone, and that in the intervening time something horrible would happen to Amber that would shape substance and conscious of the her family forever.
On January 12th, Mr. Jim Kevil was sitting on his back porch looking out over his yard and fence, a view that happened to encompass the next-door Winn-Dixie store’s loading dock and the street it was on. Around 3:15 pm Mr. Kevil saw a lone young girl riding a colorful bike around the grocery store loading dock when a dark colored truck quickly pulled into the parking lot. Jim Kevil would later state that the driver of the truck was either white or Hispanic and between the ages of 25-40, this unknown subject grabbed Amber, who let out a scream and began kicking her abductor. The driver then put Amber in his vehicle before he sped off West bound down Abrams Road. Not just a passive witness, Mr. Kevil called 911 to report the incident to the police and to try to aid in the capture of the kidnapper and the return of the little girl. This would be the last time that anyone would see Amber Hagerman alive.
After arriving home alone five-year-old Ricky Hagerman was sent by his family back to the Winn-Dixie to retrieve his sister. Turning his bike around Ricky did as requested, only to return to an empty parking lot. Only a brief eight minutes had elapsed since he had last seen his sister, but it was too late; Amber was gone. Ricky once again arrived alone to the Whitson home prompting Grandfather Jimmie Whitson to race to the store in his car to search for Amber himself. Jimmie would arrive at the store at about the same time as an Arlington police officer, summoned by Jim Kevil’s 911 call did; the only remnant of Amber was her abandoned bicycle.
Law Enforcement, including the local police and the FBI (involved as a result of the pleas of Amber’s distraught family), coupled with a mass of volunteers began a wide net search for the missing girl, but came up empty. Amber had vanished.
Discovery
January 16, 1996 is a day that Amber’s family will never forget. Four days after she had been taken by an unidentified male from that Winn-Dixie parking lot, Amber Hagerman’s body was discovered in the early morning hours by an anonymous man walking his dog near the Forest Hills Apartment Complex in Arlington, Texas. Her body was found face down in a creek approximately 4 miles from her abduction site. Prior to this, apartment maintenance workers had been in that area and seen nothing, suggesting that the remains were either placed there after the workers had left or moved down stream by a torrential rainstorm that had just occurred. Amber’s family was informed shortly after the discovery, shocked they initially refused to believe the news with her father quoted in a New York Times article written at the time as saying, “She’s still alive” to the reporters covering the case and camped outside the Whitson home.
Amber was discovered wearing nothing but a single sock and the medical examiner would later confirm investigators suspicions, there was evidence of sexual assault and physical abuse, the cause of death: lacerations to the neck and throat. Additionally, the medical examiner stated that there was evidence that Amber had been kept alive for at least two days after her abduction before she was murdered, and her body disposed of.
Investigation Still Ongoing
More than 20 years later the investigation is still technically ongoing, to date the Arlington Police Department (APD) has not formally announced that they have any suspects or persons of interest. APD Detective Ben Lopez stated in a recent interview that the APD still receives tips regularly regarding the case and the department thoroughly investigates each one like it could be the piece of the puzzle that finally gives Amber’s family closure and justice.
An explanation of this unsolved murder most likely lies in the fact that Amber’s body was left in running water for an indeterminate amount of time, coupled with the storm that raised the creek level and most likely moved the body from the dump site, forensic evidence would have been all but erased and any physical evidence diluted or washed away. Not helping the investigation is the fact that there is only one witness to the crime: Jim Kevil was the sole person to come forward with information regarding the abduction, despite the fact that Amber was taken in broad daylight on a residential street. To date no one else has come forward with evidence or statements to aid in the apprehension of the unknown subject. Some reports assert that this is a result of the immigrant community in the area and the traditional apprehension of this population in talking to law enforcement thought that remains unsubstantiated speculation.
It is believed that Amber’s abductor and murderer was a stranger to her given that he took her by force and did not attempt to talk her into his vehicle. With this, I agree with the official narrative. Where I differ is on why Amber was taken. Based on the speed at which the abduction occurred it suggests to me that Amber may have been watched for some time before being taken. As stated previously Amber Hagerman was abducted in a window of approximately 8 minutes from when her brother left and then returned to bring her home. The official narrative is that this was an act of extreme opportunity when the perpetrator just happened to be driving by when he saw her alone. This would suggest that there was an event that triggered sporadic actions in the perpetrator, to quote a popular television show there must have been a stressor that induced this action.
Regardless of the why, the fact of the matter is that Amber Hagerman’s killer is still at large. He has gone unpunished for his heinous actions against this innocent little girl and by extension her family. As a result of chance and a fluke of nature no evidence or additional witnesses remain of what happened on that fateful winter day. Amber’s killer is nameless, and her family is left with no closure or answers, only questions and heartache.
Possible Suspects
Richard Lee Franks
Richard Lee Franks was charged on March 16, 2000 with the aggravated kidnapping of Opal Jo Jennings from Saginaw, a town a few miles north of Fort Worth. On March 26, 1999 6-year-old Opal was playing with her 3-year-old cousin in a vacant lot next to her grandparent’s house when Franks pulled up to the lot in his black Mercury Cougar. He then exited his vehicle and approached the kids feigning conversation with them. When Franks was close enough, he plucked Opal off the ground, punched her in the chest and put her in his car. What happened next was not unlike in Amber’s case, a large-scale search was launched for Opal led by her family and the local police department, it would not be for five years that Opal would be found. Her remains were discovered in a wooded area while two individuals were riding their horses along a remote trail. As a result of the state in which the remains were found, there was little physical or forensic evidence. What was clear was that the cause of death was most likely the result of a blow to the head. Franks would later be charged with Opal’s kidnapping but not her murder as there was no evidence to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Franks had indeed murdered her. In fact, he claimed that he had driven her to a local store to get a drink and left her there. What lends credence to Franks as a potential suspect is the similarity between Amber and Opal, and the way that they were taken. Both were seemingly impulse driven abductions based on the speed in which they occurred.
This link between Opal and Amber was not solely based on the research of internet sleuths. Mark Simpson, an investigating officer in the Hagerman case in an address to the National Children’s Advocacy Center’s 26 Annual National Symposium on Child Abuse to the fact that Franks had prior criminal history involving children, all young, brown haired girls and that Opal’s kidnaping occurred in the same county as Amber’s. Based on proximity, prior history, and similarity in method at the very least one could expect that APD would investigate Franks as a person of interest however, that has not been the case.
Terapon Adhahn
Born in Bangkok, Thailand. Terapon immigrated to the United States as a child when his mother married a U.S. serviceman and he returned to the United States. As he grew older Terapon would become a Buddhist monk as well as follow in his stepfather’s footsteps and join the U.S. Army. Adhahn has been connected to (either directly as the known perpetrator or suspected) multiple offenses, both resolved or unresolved, against children throughout Washington State including rape, kidnapping, and murder. He has also been questioned in connection the Amber Hagerman case by APD though has not been named as an official suspect.
In 1990 Adhahn was charged with sexual assault against a 16-year-old relative. This charge would result in him being forced to register as a sex offender and enter rehabilitation but as a first offense was not enough for him to be deported.
On May 31, 2000 an 11-year-old unnamed (for reasons of privacy) Spanaway County Girl was abducted on her way to school. She was bound and taken to a secluded training field close to the Fort Lewis Military Base where she was repeatedly assaulted over the course of an hour. After the assaults Adhahn left her bound on a road nearby where she would be discovered walking, still bound with her eyes taped over, by a Tacoma City Police Officer.
In December 2005, Adre’anna Jackson would also be abducted on her way to school, she disappeared from Lakewood in Pierce County, Washington and was never seen again. Over a year later, April 2006, skeletal remains were found in a field near her Tillicum neighborhood. Investigators showed pictures of Adhahn to residents who identified him as a known handyman who frequently worked in the area. He is regarded as a person of interest in this case.
On July 4, 2007 Zina Linnik had been watching a firework display with her siblings on a hilltop near her home when her father, Mikhail Linnik, on his back porch presumably also watching the display, heard his daughter cry out. When he arrived at the spot that Zina was taken all that was left was a single shoe she had been wearing, Mikhail also saw a gray Chevy Astro van speeding away and he was able to partially make out the license plate. Four days alter Terapon Adhahn was arrested for the kidnapping of Zina. However, this speedy apprehension was not enough, on condition of prosecution not seeking the death penalty, Adhahn led investigators to the remains of young Zina Linnik. She had been strangled with a zip tie though Adhahn would claim that her death had been an accident.
Additionally, while living in the Tacoma area, Adhahn was responsible for the care of an unnamed (again for the sake of privacy) 12-year-old girl. Her mother allowed the girl to live with Adhahn since she was unable to provide for her daughter, Adhahn only a “friend of her mother’s boyfriend”. Over the course of the next three years Adhahn would subject the young girl to repeated sexual assault, stopping only when she was able to run away after being assaulted at gun point.
Why Terapon Adhahn? It has been reported that, coupled with his extensive and horrendous history with children, Terapon lived for a time with his aunt in the Fort Worth area around 1996. During the investigation, law enforcement noticed striking similarities in the method of kidnapping, assault, and victims in the Adhahn case and with a few officers having been trained in Texas for the Amber Alert System, were familiar with the Hagerman case. Additionally, he used a similar vehicle in the Fort Lewis incident as was seen in Amber’s abduction. Terapon has been question regarding Amber's abduction and murder though not formally named as a suspect or even a person of interest.
Similar Cases
Heidi Seeman – San Antonio, Texas
On August 4, 1990 11-year-old Heidi Seeman was walking home from a sleep-over at a friend house the previous night. Her unnamed friend walked Heidi a part of the way home, to a midpoint between their houses at the intersection of Stahl road and Willow Run Street. Approaching the intersection Heidi’s friend as well as neighbors in the area reported seeing a red car with dark tinted windows pass by the girls slowly, and the driver watching them intently. Thinking nothing much of it, the girls parted ways and Heidi was never seen again. On August 25th, 1990 her remains were found in Hays County, Texas. No additional details were released regarding her death aside from the fact that a medical examiner ruled her death as a result of homicide.
Erica Botello – San Antonio, Texas
Closer in circumstance to Amber Hagerman, 7-year-old Erica Botello was taken on August 23, 1990 from the playground (or road next to depending on source) near her apartment complex. She was not unsupervised or alone the entire time she was playing. Erica was with her Father however he stepped inside for a brief time. When he went back outside, Erica was gone. Her remains would be found on August 25, 1990 in a storm drain about a mile from her home and abduction site. There is little information regarding Erica’s as she was and is eclipsed by the case of Heidi Seeman, a young white girl just a few years older than Erica, a girl of Hispanic dissent, from a wealthier side of San Antonio to the working class area that the Botello family lived in. Any information found on Erica is usually limited to brief sentences and always in tandem to Heidi.
Legacy and Aftermath
What happened to Amber Hagerman is not a mystery, it is known. She was taken from her family, held and assaulted over the course of two days, killed, and her body was disposed of in a creek not far from her abduction site. Her killer did all of these things without leaving any evidence, and slipped away. What isn't known is who did those things to her? Was it someone she knew? Had that person been watching her? Was this all really the result of chance and opportunity? One can hope that these questions, and more, will be answered one day but with each passing day the possibility that they never will be becomes all the more real.
It has been 24 years since Amber Hagerman was abducted and murdered yet her legacy lives on.
Amber’s abduction and murder was the impetus for the creation for the AMBER Alert System. This is a coordinated effort between law enforcement, radio, television, and cellphone broadcast systems to alert the general public in the region of an abduction to the incident and any information that law enforcement has on the abduction such as their physical description as well as the description of the vehicle they were last seen with. This system has resulted in the safe return of almost 1,000 children in the United States since its inception as a regional program in 1997, then national (and international) in 2000 however it is also under scrutiny for saving so few and being so annoying as an alert results in an alarm blaring through the device that receives it, and for saving so few. Critics question whether it saving just one life is worth it, is saving so few worth it?
I say yes.

Sources
Amber Hagerman
Arlington police mum about whether DNA evidence exist in unsolved Amber Hagerman case
CRIME HUNTER: Sleep interrupted? Think about Amber Hagerman Toronto Sun
[APD "Missing" flyer for Amber Haggerman, 1996] - Side 1 of 1 - The Portal to Texas History
AA28.pdf
Gale In Context: Biography - Document - Body of Kidnapped Texas Girl Is Found
Body of Girl Who Was Dragged Screaming Off Bicycle Is Found - Los Angeles Times
How Were Amber Alerts Created? The Amber Hagerman Cold Case - A&E
Child abuse symposium speaker tells of similar abduction/murder cases with different endings - al.com
Richard Lee Franks
Medical examiner: Remains are those of missing girl - Plainview Herald
Richard Lee Franks Texas Prison Inmates The Texas Tribune
FRANKS v. STATE FindLaw
Family prepares to bury girl who was abducted five years ago - Midland Reporter-Telegram
FBI, Texas Rangers investigating death of 6-year-old girl in Saginaw Fort Worth Star-Telegram
Terapon Adhahn
Adhahn pleads guilty to murder of Tacoma girl, 12 The Seattle Times
Killer of Tacoma child reveals motive in papers The Seattle Times
Terapon Adhahn pleads guilty to rape, murder of Zina Linnik HeraldNet.com
Child abduction-rape investigation widens - seattlepi.com
Heidi Seeman and Erica Botello
August marks 30 years since disappearances of Heidi Seeman, Erica Botello
1990 kidnapping, murder of two San Antonio girls still unsolved
submitted by TheMidnightArchive to u/TheMidnightArchive [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 05:15 InfiniteEmotions Can I take a moment and vent, please?

I have been fighting with my sister about my dating status (or, more accurately, my lack of dating status) since she reached an age where the idea of sex was no longer icky. (I still haven't reached that age, and don't think I'm going to since I'm in my mid thirties now.) She tried to set me up with boys. She tried to set me up with girls. She sat me down and told me that I need "a good fucking" to fix me. I told her I wasn't interested. I told her I wasn't broken. I thought she'd gotten the point when she moved across the country (got a job out in Seattle), and didn't say anything about it for the few weeks before she left.
She's coming back for a visit. She'll be here for a week. She just told me that she knows "the perfect person to get you out of your shell."
I'm not in a shell. I am not broken. I do not need this. I don't want to deal with it, but I have to be polite to my sister. (Hopefully it will be like her last trip back and I'll see her for a grand total of one hour for the whole week.)
Then there's my mom. "I need grandchildren. Aren't you going to give me grandchildren? Are you ready for children yet?"
Yes, I am emotionally ready for children. (Have been for a while.) However, there is a wage bracket that I need to be in to adopt, and I'm just not there. My job ends in two days, I haven't had luck finding another one, and I don't need to hear this shit right now.
Especially this week. You know; the week the plumbing decided to go out because somehow a tree ended up growing through the pipe leading to the septic tank that we need to get changed? The week where my first house on the job tried to scream at me for being a "government plant" and followed me back to the car as I tried to mark their address as dangerous? The week the car almost flipped over on me because the damn ditch was covered and looked like level ground when it was almost four feet deep and at a forty-five degree angle? The week my head has been pounding every single day? The week I had to trek through dense wooded undergrowth to get to an abandoned house because despite me telling the program the house was abandoned I had to leave a notice of visit anyway? The week where the (no longer illegal) frakking in the next town over caused a small earthquake that opened the cabinets and rattled several glasses onto the floor breaking them? The week I was yelled at for getting sugar at the grocery store? That week?!
And it's not even Thursday yet. :(
submitted by InfiniteEmotions to asexuality [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 17:51 LJWill91 I am 29 years old, make $170,000 base (plus $30-40,000 bonus and $30,000 vesting stock), live in Seattle and work as a Creative Project Manager in Tech

A little about me: I'm 29, British and Queer :) I moved from England to the US as part of a work transfer three years ago and love Seattle. My life has changed a lot over the past few years, I realized I was gay, moved to Seattle, stopped talking to my toxic mum, had a lotttttt of therapy and moved in with my partner, L. My financial knowledge has gone from 0-60 in the past three years thanks to personalfinance, a few finance books and moneydiariesactive. I'm an open book so ask any qs you'd like! I hope you enjoy!
Section One: Assets and Debt
Net Worth: $283,000
Retirement Balance:
401k $30,000
UK 401k $22,000
Index Funds $155,000
(Tip: I used the bankrate.com retirement calculator to figure out how much I actually need to invest for retirement each year. This really cleared up what I need to invest as a minimum each year to hit my retirement target, before I can decide what to live off and save for shorter term purchases e.g. a house.)
Equity if you're a homeowner:
$52,000 in an apartment in the UK (worth $275,000) that I’m selling right now. I bought it with my ex-boyfriend five years ago and loved living there at the time, but owning it since moving to the US has been a bad idea – it hasn’t gone up in value at all since I purchased in 2015, the rent my tenants pay doesn’t cover the mortgage and it requires lots of costly maintenance.
When I bought it, I received $12,000 towards a down payment from my mum. I have three brothers and I'm expecting brothers 2 and 3 to receive the same, but not brother 1, so I'm planning to give half of the $12,000 to him when the sale goes through.
Also, when I sell, I either owe $0, $15,000 or $30,000 to the US government as part of a tax law that assumes I've made profit because of changing exchange rates. Every accountant I speak to has a different answer, so let's see in January! At some point I'll use the rest of the money towards a down payment for a house in the US.
Savings account balance:
Emergency Fund $17,500
Holiday Fund $7,000
Fun Money $4500 (I might end up investing half of this in index funds)
Fund to cover capital gains tax for my 2020 tax bill $2029
Checking account balance:
I leave $1,500 per pay check in my account for living costs, plus enough to cover my rent and bills. I pay for all of my living costs on an Amex Delta credit card to get points and pay it off in full each month.
Credit card debt: $0
Student loan debt: $0. I completed a music degree in England (this cost $35,000 for three years of tuition, rent and living costs). My parents paid for my tuition, rent and 50% of my living costs, and I worked for them during the holidays to cover 50% of my living costs. Once I joined the working world, I realized how much of a big deal it was that they paid for my education and what a head start it gave me having no student debt. I am very grateful.
Anything else that’s applicable to you:
I had a privileged start, my parents paid for my education and I received $12,000 towards a house down payment. I graduated from University at 21, and whilst I have been financially independent since then, there is an emotional safety net that comes with knowing I could go home to my Dad if I needed to.
After working in England from 21-26, I moved to Seattle with $20,000 saved for retirement, $40,000 in my UK apartment and no other savings. My salary doubled moving to the US and as a result I’ve been able to save a lot over the past few years. A few years ago, my Dad suggested I read How To Own The World. It gave me a really great introduction to lots of different aspects of finance (inflation, saving, types of accounts, retirement etc) so I read a few other finance books, started following personalfinance and have had a massive shift in my attitude towards finances.
Section Two: Income and Income Progression
I graduated with a music degree aged 21 and decided that, although I loved music, I wasn't passionate enough to fight for a career in such a competitive field. Instead, I decided I'd like to explore a career that involved lots of people interaction and could pay well: sales. Since then I've ended up working in sales, marketing and engineering, all in tech.
- 2013 - $25,000 - I joined a tech company as a sales graduate selling Healthcare software. Direct selling wasn't a great match for my skillset.
- 2014 - $37,000 plus $30,000 in commission - After nine months, my manager suggested I moved to a technical sales role in the same company and I was given a $12,000 raise. I loved this role! Lots of presenting in formal sales processes.
- 2015 - $47,000 plus $30,000 bonus - After playing a major part in $3.5 million in sales in one year, I negotiated an additional $10,000.
- 2016 - $70,000 plus $30,000 bonus and a $5,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) - I moved to a big tech company in a similar technical sales role and my salary jumped significantly.
- 2018 - $137,000 plus $30,000 bonus, an end of year $25,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) and a one off $25,000 stock award for good performance (vesting over five years) - I relocated with the same company to the US in a marketing role and my salary doubled!
- 2019 - $160,000 plus $30,000 bonus and a $25,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) - I took a new role in engineering as a Creative PM and my salary increased by 15%. A major driver for moving was being told promotions were off the table in my old team unless you had been in role for three years.
- 2020 - $170,000 plus $42,000 bonus and a $48,500 stock award (vesting over five years) - I was promoted in role and my salary increased.
It blows my mind that I earn this much money for a role that I enjoy so much. I'm very lucky.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $8,500 per month, after maxing my 401k, contributing $510 to my HSA and healthcare/taxes etc.
Any Other Income:
Having received stock awards every year for the past 5 years, I now have stock vesting every year that adds up to about $30,000 pre-tax. I immediately sell and invest in diversified index funds via Vanguard to minimize the risk that would come with having a large amount of my savings in the same company that pays my paycheck (if the company tanks, I'd lose my job and the stock would plummet in value).
I also receive an annual bonus of between 15-30%. This year it was 27% (an amazing, unexpected surprise), it’s usually around 20%. Last year I invested 90% and spent 10% on a vacation to Japan. This year it was a lot higher, so I invested 66%, saved 21% for moving costs/vacations next Summer and kept the rest as a fun fund.
I also get $1050 in rent for my UK apartment, but the mortgage is $1150, so I make a loss.
Other:
My income is completely separate to my partner, L. We take turns paying for groceries/meals out/trips and assume it evens out to 50/50. Right now, I earn a lot more than L, who is a medical resident and earns about $100,000, with no student debt, but we both live off about the same amount per year as I'm focused so heavily on investing.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent and utilities: $1,300/month for my half of a two bed, two bath in Fremont. I moved in with L, last month and we split the rent 50/50. Previously my rent was $2060/month for an open one bed in the Capitol Hill.
Extra costs for UK mortgage/management company fees: $500
Investment/savings: Until this month, I was investing $2,000- $2,500. Now that I’ve reached my investment target for the year (a combination of my bonus, savings and vested stock), I’m re-routing that to a savings fund in a HYSA for next Summer. I’m planning to relocate to the East Coast with L, and hoping to take the summer off between jobs.
Donations: $130/month to Black Lives Matter, Save the Children, an LGBT charity in England and a COVID relief fund. These are also matched by my employer 100%.
Cellphone: $30 in a shared plan with some friends
Wifi: $60 Subscriptions: Netflix $15, Amazon $14, AppleCare $12
Regular therapy: $160/month for two sessions with my UK therapist and $180/session roughly every 2-3 weeks with my tantra coach.
Living: I budget $3000 per month for living, therapy and tantra.
COVID-19: In current COVID times in Seattle, cases are being managed well by the city, we are in phase 2 and can meet up with 5 people per week who aren't in our household network and can go to restaurants with people in our household.
Tuesday:
7am - Bonus day! I start to think about what to do with some of the money in my fun fund. On my wishlist: Glittery Dr Martens 🥾, a vacuum that also steams floors, everything on the Olive website and lift tickets for 🎿 over winter.
8am - Work work work work work 🎶 Every day starts with calls with my team in India to review their product configuration progress. My role focuses around writing product pitches/demonstrations that sellers will deliver to customers. My days are spent talking to sellers about common customer requests, writing narratives to present the value of the products and designing screens to be built by my engineers/consultants.
9am - I spend $50 on an Amazon order for 🧼,🧴and English 🍫.
12pm - I accidentally start a small kitchen fire heating some heat pads in L’s dutch oven. The fire department was involved🔥😭
2pm - I have a call with a design lead about potential roles in their team. I'd love to expand my skillset into videos and 🙋🏼‍♀️
3pm - Our Imperfect Foods box arrives. This week we got eggs, veggies, fruits, goats cheese and gnocchi. $25, but I paid for this last week.
5pm - I go for an early dinner with L at Manolin to celebrate my bonus/destress after the fire🍴🍷 Restaurants are open in Seattle at 50% capacity and everyone wears masks. I pay. $150
8pm - Listen to records with L 🎶 and fall asleep at 9.30.
Total: $200
Wednesday:
8am - More calls, more feedback, more unblocking the engineers👩🏼‍💻
10am - I FaceTime catch up with my Dad ❤️ He just bought a house in the English countryside with his partner, L, and he gives me more excited updates about how renovations are going.
2pm - I get some excellent feedback about yesterday’s call, the manager wants me in his team 🙌🏻
6pm - Vegetarian taco night and cocktails with L ❤️🌮
8pm - I order a replacement pan after destroying L’s. $198
8.30pm - We start watching Normal People 📺
Total: $198
Thursday:
10am - My youngest brother schedules his first therapy appointment! 🙌🏻 I have three brothers and two are at high school or university and aren’t working. I believe we would all benefit from therapy, so this year I offered to pay for both of them. Now all four of us have been at some point ❤️ $59
12pm - Fire fighting at work, trying to fix products that keep breaking in time to deliver product demos to sellers next week 🔥💻
3pm - I do a trial recording with my colleague for a broadcast next week. 🎥🎞 The broadcast goes out to somewhere between 250,000-1,000,000 people. The broadcast is usually in a studio, but because of covid we’re shooting at home this time.
5pm - L comes home with a cuuuute new haircut 💁🏻‍♀️ and a new burner ring for our stove after it was damaged in the 🔥. L pays.
7pm - We make pizzas 🍕 and talk about what time togetheco existing/apart looks like for each of us. Moving in together is big and it helps to understand what makes each other feel good/not so good. The conversation is emotional and really helpful.
Total: $59
Friday:
8am - I have a morning of calls with India/England/US agreeing next steps/fire fighting 🔥
11am - I reflect on how writing a money diary is making me feel guilty about spending money, even if my “normal” spending fits into my budget and my “fun” spending comes from my bonus. One to talk about in therapy I think.
4pm - Another busy afternoon jumping between calls. A good rehearsal for the broadcast ✔️ good feedback on our demo content ✔️ next week planned out in Outlook ✔️
5pm - I meet with my tantra coach for a two hour session. I originally started going to see them to learn more about sex (🙌🏻) but have learned that tantra is much bigger than that, it’s an eastern tradition that is centered around connecting with your heart and body and being present. It’s had a massive impact on my ability to get out of my head. Today we focused on simple body exercises to get me more connected to my body. $200
7pm - L started a 30 hour shift this morning so I have a solo date night ❤️ bath-time + Quorn chicken nugget wraps (I love eating in the bath 😆) + TikTok ✌🏻
Total: $200
Saturday:
8am - I wake up and listen to Jameela Jamil and Katherine Ryan in the iWeigh podcast.
9am - I meditate 🧘🏼‍♀️. I started meditating 3-7 times per week six months ago using the Headspace app and it was a great intro. I’ve been resisting meditating for the past two weeks, and going to see my tantra coach has given me the umph to start again today. I do 20 minutes unguided.
10am - L comes home from work and we catch up before they sleep 💤 I spend the day in the bath, reading The Untethered Soul, eating fake sausage patties, eggs and sautéed tomatoes on toast, on reddit, watching Normal People and napping 🛀📚
6pm - I see my two best friends, N&V, a queer couple in Seattle ❤️ they know how to make me feel loved and buy all of my favorite foods for dinner ❤️ I uber there and back wearing a mask. $30
Total: $30
Sunday:
10am - I spend the morning eating eggs, veggies and fake chorizo, reading The Untethered Soul and The Simple Path to Wealth in the bath, and meditating.
1pm - I FaceTime my Dad and his partner, L ❤️
2pm - L and I spend the afternoon watching Ratchet, snoozing and walking to Gas Works park to get some fresh air.
6.30pm - We cook veggie bolognese with gnocchi and have some quality time after a crazy month of shifts for L.
10pm - L crashes and I order a Dyson vacuum with some of my bonus money #thisis29. $385
Total: $385
Monday:
7am - I wake up and meditate🧘🏼‍♀️
8am - Catch up calls with the India team. I have a fairly slow morning after that, agreeing deliverables for the week with our team.
12pm - I make sweet potato tacos for lunch using up ingredients in the fridge 🙌🏻🌮
4pm - I do a recording for the broadcast on Wednesday. Oh hey there hair, makeup and formal work clothes, where have you been hiding? 💄
5.30pm - L and I listen to a Lake Street Dive concert online on the porch 🎵
7.30pm - L buys groceries and we head for a socially distanced picnic outside.
Total: $0
Food + Drink: $160
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $644
Clothes + Beauty: $40
Transport: $30
Other: $198
Weekly Total: $1072
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
Writing this diary was good for me! It made me see some of the small, happy moments that happen each day.
All in all, apart from the vacuum that I bought with my bonus, this is average spending for me. I'm very conscious of not spending more than $700/week. This means if I have more expensive days, like days when I have to pay for therapy or tantra, I'll make sure I balance it out on other days.
I feel incredibly lucky that I have a high salary that gives me an incredibly good quality of life and enables me to save for the future. I have an "it's too good to be true" fear, so I'm focused on investing a lot right now to set myself up long term.
submitted by LJWill91 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


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https://preview.redd.it/td82zcllsxn51.jpg?width=318&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05a6f4dae8c0df7d4fd1616c420063633d476845
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2020.09.18 17:42 Seamus5150 Update: I need to send a letter of thanks to Dyson. I discovered my wife (49F) of 17 years, 18 month affair when I updated our fan filter on the app it uses.

Original Post link. I apologize as it was poorly written and contextualized, as I was inebriated most of that Thursday.
https://www.reddit.com/survivinginfidelity/comments/iqrtds/i_43m_need_to_send_a_letter_of_thanks_to_dyson_i/
So... I have received nearly 1,000 requests for some type of update or information on what's going on in my pain and hate filled life. Per my new therapist, he said to go ahead and do it. It will help me re-center and focus.
To those that kept saying "ThaT's NoT HoW SnApChAt WoRkS" Yes, you are correct, she had that running in the background, it was Whats app. I don't really give a shit, I saw it. I again need to thank Dyson for their app and the kick ass fan I got from my Brother in law for Christmas.
Here goes.
I'm going to give a deeper background on our situation to help with some perspective on why I feel the way I do. My original post was pretty much a stream of consciousness and felt as disjointed as I did then.
I went to college in Las Vegas in the mid '90's. I graduated in 1999. I had a blast there. I "Got Around" (Fucked) It was during this formative time I decided to never marry, it was/is an outdated concept that essentially removes your agency, and, I definitely did NOT want children.
When I graduated with my degree in Nursing, I quickly excelled in Cardiovascular Intensive Care. I moved home to Texas in 2001 and pursued my Masters Degree to be an Advanced Practice RN/ Nurse Practitioner with a specialization in CV Surgery. While I was achieving this, I decided to pursue medical school and shifted course work to fill in what I needed to apply. It was then that I met my STBXW. She was a short chubby (I believe the kids today would say THICC) red headed fire cracker. We met in a code. It was intense; both the attraction and the "Dating." We were saying I LOVE YOU within 3 months...
She was a mother of two (Remember, I wanted to be child free) that had been divorced for about 2 years. She was just getting out of an on again off again relationship when we met. We "Dated" for about 2 years and she slowly introduced her daughters to me age (11,6). She sat me down one night and gave me a pretty heartfelt but pragmatic talk about "Us" or where we were at the time, and what she needed/expected from me, or any other partner. Essentially she said it was time to either get married or move on. I was still pretty anti-marriage and she respected that. She was telling me this to give me a chance to think about "Us" and what the future looked like. She had a pretty good point in that we were living together (8 months) and even had each other as persons to notify in an emergency, she joked, that all that was missing was having each other on our insurance. It was a good honest talk and we agreed that we would continue on for a bit more, but, I would ultimately have to make "The Decision."
2 weeks later, I had an acceptance letter to a Medical school about 2 hours away. I was extatic and crushed at the same time. I had just had my 26th Birthday and was about to accomplish a huge life goal! Then I realized I'd never see her or the girls. My self doubt got the better of me. Being a medical student, then resident, with a fellowship was going to be a roughly 7 year process, all the while, I could not make the money or support the lifestyle we had grown accustomed to. I thought about the prospect of at least 7 years of loans, debt, and work, and losing her...
So I declined and switched back to a Masters in Nursing Administration.
We got married in July of 2003 it was an intimate and personal ceremony with just immediate family and friends.
---While my parents adore the girls (Rightly so) they have always been stand-offish with STBXW. On Monday when I told my parents what was happening, and, that there was a real possibility the girls could stop being as prevalent in their life as they have been, they told me that they felt that STBXW was damaged goods being married prior to and "Forcing me to compromise." That really hit home, and to a certain extent they were/are correct.---
After I graduated I didn't want to be a manager or director. I'm a hands on guy that likes taking care of patients. The hospital I was at offered a certification in ECMO and a Perfusionist credential. It was a highly competitive application, but I got in. For the past 11 years, I have been doing ECMO and all things related. I have had a blast and it has been challenging as well as heartbreaking at times.
My STBXW decided about 5 years ago that being an RN on the floor had run its course and she wanted a more 9 to 5 job that did not involve patients or drama. She got on through a friend at a multi-state legal consultancy that specializes in medical legal suites. She abstracts data from patient charts and presents it in the manner requested.
So that's the set up.
On Saturday morning DDay+2: I only slept a few hours. I had dark, disturbing thoughts regarding my future and life. I had (Still do) thoughts and scenarios of death and violence upon them and myself...
I was in the kitchen making breakfast, eggs and toast, when she walked into the kitchen still bleary eyed. She asked if I would make her some... I threw it in the trash in front of her. I then proceeded to load up my record player and play music from my youth at an uncomfortable volume to prevent her from trying to talk to me. (Real mature I know). I began Pain Shopping big time, reading the print out in chronological order. I do and I don't recommend it, by the afternoon I was done with Blackflag and Danzig, I was listening to torch / break up songs by Chris Isaak and Ray Lamontagne. She approached again. This time she was almost indignant. Asking what purpose notifying the AP's wife served. I stared at her for what felt like an inappropriate amount of time, a bit dumb founded. I told her point blank that at least she (AP's wife) would get the chance to make an informed decision about her future instead of compromising and sacrificing for someone that would betray them so selfishly. I guess my message to the AP's wife was received and things were not good for him. She sat down on the couch and began to tear up and sob. I told her I was cried out, or more correctly I was so numb that I will do that later, when I am done doing what needs to be done. She asked timidly, all indignation / bravado gone from her voice, what else I "Had to do?" I told her to ruin your life and give you the pain I have now. I told her that if she had ANY respect for me or "Love" for me, she would open her phone and show me EVERYTHING. She refused and said that it didn't matter and all I would do is hold it against her. I said, there was a part of me, the completionist in me, that wanted to know. She refused and went to the guest bedroom. I found her HR, new hire paperwork from her company. They have a corporate compliance line and I called and left a detailed message. They (STBXW and AP) had discussed client information that also had protected health information with an unsecured, non-approved messaging system. I also informed them that she was his acting supervisor on 2 projects over a certain time that corresponds with the sexually inappropriate messages. Lastly I said that they both used their subsidized phones to transmit pornographic materials (Pics, sexting, videos.) That was a big no no as well.
My whole life, I have viewed myself as a peaceful and rational man. This has broken that part of me. I don't know where all of this anger has come from, I am somewhat worried. Like, will it stop. I know in the long run, to "Get over this" I will have to accept her apology and forgive her for her mistakes...I just don't know if I am capable, and it is worrying to me.
That evening I continued to notify family and friends of the situation and her actions. I called a physician friend and requested a favor for a checkup and an STD check. He had questions, I answered. My eyes got heavy around 8.
Sunday DDay+3: I decided to drive to see the girls. They are about 3 hours away. The youngest is still in college for another semester (maybe longer, thanks 2020.)
I have been having pretty extreme feelings about them since this began. I have formed a respectful, friendly relationship with them, but not much of a "Fatherly" one. The oldest especially. We are cordial, but, there is always that "Your NOT my dad" vibe between us. The youngest, not so much, but, when they are together, it gets more prevalent. I left early Sunday around 5 AM, arrived at their condo (Their father pays for it) just after 845. I had Kolaches and good coffee for them. They were immediately worried about their mother before I said anything. I told them point blank the situation and that their mother would probably be moving in the next 3 to 6 months. I can honestly say it was best to do and say this in person. I told them EVERYTHING. They were disappointed in her. I then told them that I wasn't there to get them to take a side, but, they were adults in a special circumstance within our relationship, and if they decided they didn't want to interact or have a relationship with me that was OK, I would be somewhat let down, but also relieved. I told them however, that our relationship or lack thereof should not interfere with their grandparents (My parents.) They both agreed that they would like to definitely keep in touch with the grandparents. I left there around 11 and headed home. I stopped at my best friends house and cried a little... I had essentially help to raise them as best I could. Their father was absentee most of their childhood and started another family 6 hours away. My best friend decided that I had drank enough the past 72 hours, and I needed to sleep. I crashed at his place that night. I had noticed STBXW had been blowing my phone up after I had left the girls place. Oh well, I was too tired and in too dark a place to care.
Monday DDay+4: I arrived home around 8 and noticed her Porsche was still there... I thought for a moment that she Uber'd or Waze'd to the airport. No, no she had not. She was up and had breakfast made, she asked me to sit down and eat with her. I did. She asked how it tasted, I told her like static. I told her I've had a hard time tasting and feeling anything other than bitterness and anger, for the past 5 days... She had called in "Sick" at work, and did not leave for her quarterly meeting. She tried to start talking about how worried she was for me and that she loved me so much. She had gotten a call from her oldest yesterday around noon and they were deeply disturbed by her behavior. I laughed... as I did it, I realized it was not a funny laugh. It had a manic kind of feel to it and took me aback. I said Oh, you "Love" me so much you have a year and a half affair behind my back. You "Love" me so much you fuck some other married man. You "Love" me so much you pissed away nearly half of my life because... She had never given me a reason as to why she did it. I told her that, and it made it so much worse. I went to the liquor service and pulled out "The Bottle."
---"The Bottle" was an 18 year Glenfiddich that my grandfather bought for "Us" when we got married. It has been/was our tradition to have a small sip on our anniversary night and remember that things get better with time and patience.---
I chugged the remainder of it. It was about a third of the bottle that was left. I said, sorry I didn't offer her any, because she did NOT deserve any. I went to the bedroom and began pulling all of the pictures off of the wall that had us or her in them. I placed them on the kitchen table. She had left. My attorney or rather her paralegal called to notify me the Petition for Divorce was ready, and I needed to sign off on it before it could be filed and STBXW would be served within 10 business days. I read it quickly, while VERY buzzed on premium Scotch. E-Signed and pressed send. I also got a message from the AP's wife. She reluctantly thanked me for this "Horrible but good revelation." She declined to speak with me, but wanted to message me to tell me. She found texts and videos with other women besides my STBXW. She kicked him out, and was going to an attorney soon. (They live in California, he's fucked.) I proceeded to listen to music and have a few more drinks. I fell asleep around 4 in the afternoon. I heard her come home around 10, she saw the pile of pictures and things that had at one time meant "Something" to "Us." She began sobbing and asking me to talk to her, I only asked one question "Why?" She kept saying she didn't know. I called her vile things and said that she made SO many decisions to get to just the first text. It was she that started it. I was pretty loose with my tounge due to being drunk. I laughed at her and started taking off my clothes and said you threw away this pointing to my body, (I'm going to get shit for it, but, I'm 6'4" and weigh 200#, up until last week I still jogged and lifted weights 4 times a week) for some pot bellied needle dick guy that wasn't going to do anything for her. I went to my room and had a shower. When I got out, she was in the bed naked. She had lit some candles and begged me to fuck her. I turned on my camera and told her to repeat what she said (I thank everyone who mentioned doing this, just in case) For whatever reason, my erection did not do a good job of convincing her that I didn't want to. So, I did it. I was NOT kind. I put her in uncomfortable positions and pounded her. I told her I wanted anal, and I wanted to hear her beg me for it. I recorded it ALL. I felt so many mixed emotions after. I love her, and I am indifferent to her, I hate her, and I think nothing of her. I want her and feel like I need her, but It hurts me to think of "Us" anymore. We fell asleep together. I woke up kind of hung over and had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror.
Tuesday DDay+5: Therapy was a 2 and a half hour session, unbeknownst to me, she followed me there and wanted to know what I was doing. I told her I was getting some therapy for the emotional trauma I had after realizing I had thrown away most of my life on someone who couldn't even give me a reason as to why she would cheat on me. I was a little loud and teary eyed. My soon to be new therapist saw most of the exchange. I called her horrible names and told her I wished her dead. Needless to say my session was intense. He prescribed some sedatives for me and I had another shorter appointment scheduled on Thursday. We discussed my anger and betrayal, my emasculation, my fear of the future. I explained I am terrified of the unknown. Last week I felt like a complete man. I had a vision and goals, I also had a partner to deal with any issues and obstacles. Now, I am a ship without a rudder, or mast. I feel no sense of direction, or power, or means to get away from this. He started explaining the "Why" that I wanted to know. It isn't a single question. It is a series of questions that is pretty interesting. I suppose you can apply it to any behavior that you want to explain the motivation behind it. He said instead I should calmly ask my STBXW, what within herself gave her permission to do this to me. There were several more to follow up with, but, this is what stuck out the most. I told him about the sex, he recommended that I lay out explicit ground rules regarding our physical relationship. He ultimately recommended that I don't do it anymore, it would confuse and exacerbate things tremendously, unless reconciliation was my goal. I cried, I raged. I left exhausted. STBXW was still outside waiting for me. I walked past her and didn't respond to her questions and pleading. I got a call from the physician's office to get tested and went to that appointment. I told him the short version. He recommended to stop drinking and take the sedatives cautiously. I went home and proceeded to continue removing my things from the house and boxing them up. I have decided I would move out. I called work and requested a face to face meeting. The thought of working, or concentrating on legitimate life and death issues is not possible in my current state of mind. I drove to the Administrative building at the hospital, met with the team and formally gave my 6 weeks resignation. I have such a niche, specialized job that 6 weeks is kind of a minimum courtesy. I put it succinctly that my STBXW's actions had caused a stressful home life, and I would be a detriment to patients, the team, and myself if I continued to remain in this area. I have decided to move away. Far away. I got home after picking up some groceries. It has been about a week since I have had more than a mouthful of food and have existed on liquor and not much else. I took both my therapists, and physician friends' advice and decided to make some food and stop drinking. She was home, sitting in the darkened living room drinking wine. She had organized the pictures and was looking through them. She had put on makeup and was wearing a "Date Night" dress. She had been crying alot. her makeup was in bad shape. She got up and tried to embrace me. I pushed her gently away and made a production of pulling out my phone and hitting record. She started crying again. She told me the AP's wife had called her and told her that he had had other women as well as her. She said that she was so much the fool and every derogatory name I had called her was right. She begged me to consider "Us." I said why bother, she didn't when she betrayed me. I told her I was sorry that her lies caught her out, but I felt that she was sorry she got caught, not remorseful for what she did to me. I told her I felt she was sorry that she was going to have to start over and that she was more upset about that, than losing any "Love" she had for me. I said that she abandoned her "Love" for me or "Us" 2 YEARS ago when she decided to do this. I kept piling it on her. I informed her of my call to the Corporate Compliance line and the specific rules she broke. I didn't raise my voice or act angry. I was shaking a bit, but it was like everything was leaving me in a rush. I felt elated and so low at the same time. I felt empty when I was done. I put up the few groceries I had bought and made a small sandwich, then went to bed. She was there again. I pulled out my phone and told her with the recorder going what my therapist had talked about in regards to sex. Keep in mind in 17 years, I can not recall a time when I've refused or declined sex from her. I asked her to leave and sleep in the guest bedroom. She refused. I said, fine, I would then.
Wednesday DDay+6: I woke up and she was curled up next to me. I removed myself and did some light exercises. I have been working on my resume and getting applications out. I might be working in Seattle by the end of the year! I love my parents and will miss being 20 minutes away from them, especially as they are becoming elderly. I can't stay in this city. The thought of "Running into" her after this is over is not something I want to entertain. I want to be free, and have NO reminders of my sense of loss and my lifetime of compromise. It was a pretty blah day and it rained off and on for most of it. I met up with my best friend and gave him a rundown over an early dinner. We decided not to drink. My attorney said that me moving away will not affect the outcome of the financials. I am going to live off my PTO until the end of October, and use my half of our liquid savings to relocate and settle. I feel empty and I am trying to laugh at his funny jokes, but it's an effort. I keep finding myself in a deep emptiness that has such a powerful pull. I have never thought about ending my own life, but for the past few days/nights I've had "Daydreams'' of what it would be like if I wasn't here. I am going to tell my therapist tomorrow. STBXW has been going to the library (I've been watching through Google) and reading relationship books. I have been reading Chump Lady. It is great stuff. She got a call from her work. I eavesdropped on a small portion of it, but I know she has a meeting tomorrow, despite her claiming to be "Sick." She was in bed again just like the past few nights. I am so conflicted, I just want to feel something, but I feel so little but hate and resentment for her, that the only sex I want is sadistic. I'll admit that during the abusive sex we had Monday I felt almost a runners high, but, there was a crash, and the next day I was angry at myself. I am doubting myself a small amount in regards to not wanting her back. I know she fucked up huge, but I don't know if I can forget it, or forgive it. I am a tangled mess. I told her the ground rules, with my phone recording, in regard to sex. I told her that it did NOT indicate reconciliation, or some covert signal that I wanted that. I told her this is probably hysterical bonding and not healthy. I told her that I was going to not be gentle nor care about her feelings or needs during it. She was teary eyed, and nodded understanding. She quietly said that she "Deserved it." She then rolled over and got on all 4's.
Thursday DDay+7: I woke up with her spooning me. I laid there for a while and heard her breathing change pattern. I could feel her looking at me. I asked with my back turned what her meeting was going to be about? She said it was an HR representitive and it was probably going to be bad. I said yup. She asked what she could do to make us right or equal again. I said nothing. She offered an open marriage on my end, she would not persue anyone, but I could. I chuckled, no. I don't trust her. She said that was fair. We had this conversation with my back to her, it was easier than looking at her. I get mad when I see her face. I asked what I did in this marriage that made her so unhappy she did this. She said I was beyond great. I chuckled again, well obviously that dosent matter. She said it was an adventure, like she lived off of the rush, she didn't realize until it was way too late that if she got caught or if something went wrong everyone would be hurt, she said it was a huge relief and an unforgettable pain when I confronted her. I got up and made us breakfast. I went to my therapist and told him my plan with work and already had responses to my applications. I told him everything about STBXW and the sex. We discussed my suicdal thoughts and talked about the process invlved with them. Again, he wasn't judging; he just wanted me to not get confused, or if I did not understand to stop and process. It was only a 1 hour (55 minute) session and I felt that weird calm again. Like nothing matters for now. everything just is. When I got home she was sitting in the living room. She told me that she was fired for breach of protocol with client information and violation of the data security protocols. I said, well that's too bad. I exercised and made a nice dinner, she joined me. We did'nt say much. While we were sitting in the living room she told me that AP had been fired as well. I said good. She told me she has had no contact with him in 5 days. I asked why not? They were both free now. She could fly out to her "Soul Mate" and have all the fun they wanted now. She said I was the only one she wanted. I said NO, you had me ALL of me, and it still was'nt enough. I told her that in the nearly 20 years of work, and our relationship, I had been approached and hit on too many times to count. I managed to not fall in love or fuck anyone else, now, I am so bitter and angry because of the compromises I made. She asked what compromises. I told her. My wanting to go to medical school, but decided to get married and be stable, my not wanting children, but, because they were a part of her, I accepted them and compromised. I said I made those compromises for our love. But, obviously I had misplaced my trust and love in her. I told her that if I could go back in time, I would tell 26 year old me to pass her up. She asked again what she could do to bring us back together. I told her that I will not EVER compromise for her again and that means we really can't have a healthy relationship. I told her I would NEVER love her again, and that at best, I would treat her like a sex toy. Otherwise, she would'nt factor into my plans or thoughts. I told her it was just a week ago, she was the first person I thought of when I woke up, and the last person I thought about when I went to sleep. Now it hurts too much to think about her.
I am going to walk away from this. I feel like it is starting to constantly remind me of things. I can not thank those kind people I could chat with and who shared their pain and stories that have helped me. This has been on a whole, a good thing for me to do, but I keep replaying things and feelings I'd rather just walk away from. I remain confused about what I want. I don't know if I will ever be 100% about anything with Her ever again. I have bi-weekly appointments for the next 4 weeks with my therapist.
submitted by Seamus5150 to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 17:36 Seamus5150 Update: I (43M) need to send a letter of thanks to Dyson. I discovered my wife (49) of 17 years, 18 month affair when I updated our fan filter on the app it uses

Original Post link. I apologize as it was poorly written and contextualized, as I was inebriated most of that Thursday.
https://www.reddit.com/survivinginfidelity/comments/iqrtds/i_43m_need_to_send_a_letter_of_thanks_to_dyson_i/
So... I have received nearly 1,000 requests for some type of update or information on what's going on in my pain and hate filled life. Per my new therapist, he said to go ahead and do it. It will help me re-center and focus.
To those that kept saying "ThaT's NoT HoW SnApChAt WoRkS" Yes, you are correct, she had that running in the background, it was Whats app. I don't really give a shit, I saw it. I again need to thank Dyson for their app and the kick ass fan I got from my Brother in law for Christmas.
Here goes.
I'm going to give a deeper background on our situation to help with some perspective on why I feel the way I do. My original post was pretty much a stream of consciousness and felt as disjointed as I did then.
I went to college in Las Vegas in the mid '90's. I graduated in 1999. I had a blast there. I "Got Around" (Fucked) It was during this formative time I decided to never marry, it was/is an outdated concept that essentially removes your agency, and, I definitely did NOT want children.
When I graduated with my degree in Nursing, I quickly excelled in Cardiovascular Intensive Care. I moved home to Texas in 2001 and pursued my Masters Degree to be an Advanced Practice RN/ Nurse Practitioner with a specialization in CV Surgery. While I was achieving this, I decided to pursue medical school and shifted course work to fill in what I needed to apply. It was then that I met my STBXW. She was a short chubby (I believe the kids today would say THICC) red headed fire cracker. We met in a code. It was intense; both the attraction and the "Dating." We were saying I LOVE YOU within 3 months...
She was a mother of two (Remember, I wanted to be child free) that had been divorced for about 2 years. She was just getting out of an on again off again relationship when we met. We "Dated" for about 2 years and she slowly introduced her daughters to me age (11,6). She sat me down one night and gave me a pretty heartfelt but pragmatic talk about "Us" or where we were at the time, and what she needed/expected from me, or any other partner. Essentially she said it was time to either get married or move on. I was still pretty anti-marriage and she respected that. She was telling me this to give me a chance to think about "Us" and what the future looked like. She had a pretty good point in that we were living together (8 months) and even had each other as persons to notify in an emergency, she joked, that all that was missing was having each other on our insurance. It was a good honest talk and we agreed that we would continue on for a bit more, but, I would ultimately have to make "The Decision."
2 weeks later, I had an acceptance letter to a Medical school about 2 hours away. I was extatic and crushed at the same time. I had just had my 26th Birthday and was about to accomplish a huge life goal! Then I realized I'd never see her or the girls. My self doubt got the better of me. Being a medical student, then resident, with a fellowship was going to be a roughly 7 year process, all the while, I could not make the money or support the lifestyle we had grown accustomed to. I thought about the prospect of at least 7 years of loans, debt, and work, and losing her...
So I declined and switched back to a Masters in Nursing Administration.
We got married in July of 2003 it was an intimate and personal ceremony with just immediate family and friends.
---While my parents adore the girls (Rightly so) they have always been stand-offish with STBXW. On Monday when I told my parents what was happening, and, that there was a real possibility the girls could stop being as prevalent in their life as they have been, they told me that they felt that STBXW was damaged goods being married prior to and "Forcing me to compromise." That really hit home, and to a certain extent they were/are correct.---
After I graduated I didn't want to be a manager or director. I'm a hands on guy that likes taking care of patients. The hospital I was at offered a certification in ECMO and a Perfusionist credential. It was a highly competitive application, but I got in. For the past 11 years, I have been doing ECMO and all things related. I have had a blast and it has been challenging as well as heartbreaking at times.
My STBXW decided about 5 years ago that being an RN on the floor had run its course and she wanted a more 9 to 5 job that did not involve patients or drama. She got on through a friend at a multi-state legal consultancy that specializes in medical legal suites. She abstracts data from patient charts and presents it in the manner requested.
So that's the set up.
On Saturday morning DDay+2: I only slept a few hours. I had dark, disturbing thoughts regarding my future and life. I had (Still do) thoughts and scenarios of death and violence upon them and myself...
I was in the kitchen making breakfast, eggs and toast, when she walked into the kitchen still bleary eyed. She asked if I would make her some... I threw it in the trash in front of her. I then proceeded to load up my record player and play music from my youth at an uncomfortable volume to prevent her from trying to talk to me. (Real mature I know). I began Pain Shopping big time, reading the print out in chronological order. I do and I don't recommend it, by the afternoon I was done with Blackflag and Danzig, I was listening to torch / break up songs by Chris Isaak and Ray Lamontagne. She approached again. This time she was almost indignant. Asking what purpose notifying the AP's wife served. I stared at her for what felt like an inappropriate amount of time, a bit dumb founded. I told her point blank that at least she (AP's wife) would get the chance to make an informed decision about her future instead of compromising and sacrificing for someone that would betray them so selfishly. I guess my message to the AP's wife was received and things were not good for him. She sat down on the couch and began to tear up and sob. I told her I was cried out, or more correctly I was so numb that I will do that later, when I am done doing what needs to be done. She asked timidly, all indignation / bravado gone from her voice, what else I "Had to do?" I told her to ruin your life and give you the pain I have now. I told her that if she had ANY respect for me or "Love" for me, she would open her phone and show me EVERYTHING. She refused and said that it didn't matter and all I would do is hold it against her. I said, there was a part of me, the completionist in me, that wanted to know. She refused and went to the guest bedroom. I found her HR, new hire paperwork from her company. They have a corporate compliance line and I called and left a detailed message. They (STBXW and AP) had discussed client information that also had protected health information with an unsecured, non-approved messaging system. I also informed them that she was his acting supervisor on 2 projects over a certain time that corresponds with the sexually inappropriate messages. Lastly I said that they both used their subsidized phones to transmit pornographic materials (Pics, sexting, videos.) That was a big no no as well.
My whole life, I have viewed myself as a peaceful and rational man. This has broken that part of me. I don't know where all of this anger has come from, I am somewhat worried. Like, will it stop. I know in the long run, to "Get over this" I will have to accept her apology and forgive her for her mistakes...I just don't know if I am capable, and it is worrying to me.
That evening I continued to notify family and friends of the situation and her actions. I called a physician friend and requested a favor for a checkup and an STD check. He had questions, I answered. My eyes got heavy around 8.
Sunday DDay+3: I decided to drive to see the girls. They are about 3 hours away. The youngest is still in college for another semester (maybe longer, thanks 2020.)
I have been having pretty extreme feelings about them since this began. I have formed a respectful, friendly relationship with them, but not much of a "Fatherly" one. The oldest especially. We are cordial, but, there is always that "Your NOT my dad" vibe between us. The youngest, not so much, but, when they are together, it gets more prevalent. I left early Sunday around 5 AM, arrived at their condo (Their father pays for it) just after 845. I had Kolaches and good coffee for them. They were immediately worried about their mother before I said anything. I told them point blank the situation and that their mother would probably be moving in the next 3 to 6 months. I can honestly say it was best to do and say this in person. I told them EVERYTHING. They were disappointed in her. I then told them that I wasn't there to get them to take a side, but, they were adults in a special circumstance within our relationship, and if they decided they didn't want to interact or have a relationship with me that was OK, I would be somewhat let down, but also relieved. I told them however, that our relationship or lack thereof should not interfere with their grandparents (My parents.) They both agreed that they would like to definitely keep in touch with the grandparents. I left there around 11 and headed home. I stopped at my best friends house and cried a little... I had essentially help to raise them as best I could. Their father was absentee most of their childhood and started another family 6 hours away. My best friend decided that I had drank enough the past 72 hours, and I needed to sleep. I crashed at his place that night. I had noticed STBXW had been blowing my phone up after I had left the girls place. Oh well, I was too tired and in too dark a place to care.
Monday DDay+4: I arrived home around 8 and noticed her Porsche was still there... I thought for a moment that she Uber'd or Waze'd to the airport. No, no she had not. She was up and had breakfast made, she asked me to sit down and eat with her. I did. She asked how it tasted, I told her like static. I told her I've had a hard time tasting and feeling anything other than bitterness and anger, for the past 5 days... She had called in "Sick" at work, and did not leave for her quarterly meeting. She tried to start talking about how worried she was for me and that she loved me so much. She had gotten a call from her oldest yesterday around noon and they were deeply disturbed by her behavior. I laughed... as I did it, I realized it was not a funny laugh. It had a manic kind of feel to it and took me aback. I said Oh, you "Love" me so much you have a year and a half affair behind my back. You "Love" me so much you fuck some other married man. You "Love" me so much you pissed away nearly half of my life because... She had never given me a reason as to why she did it. I told her that, and it made it so much worse. I went to the liquor service and pulled out "The Bottle."
---"The Bottle" was an 18 year Glenfiddich that my grandfather bought for "Us" when we got married. It has been/was our tradition to have a small sip on our anniversary night and remember that things get better with time and patience.---
I chugged the remainder of it. It was about a third of the bottle that was left. I said, sorry I didn't offer her any, because she did NOT deserve any. I went to the bedroom and began pulling all of the pictures off of the wall that had us or her in them. I placed them on the kitchen table. She had left. My attorney or rather her paralegal called to notify me the Petition for Divorce was ready, and I needed to sign off on it before it could be filed and STBXW would be served within 10 business days. I read it quickly, while VERY buzzed on premium Scotch. E-Signed and pressed send. I also got a message from the AP's wife. She reluctantly thanked me for this "Horrible but good revelation." She declined to speak with me, but wanted to message me to tell me. She found texts and videos with other women besides my STBXW. She kicked him out, and was going to an attorney soon. (They live in California, he's fucked.) I proceeded to listen to music and have a few more drinks. I fell asleep around 4 in the afternoon. I heard her come home around 10, she saw the pile of pictures and things that had at one time meant "Something" to "Us." She began sobbing and asking me to talk to her, I only asked one question "Why?" She kept saying she didn't know. I called her vile things and said that she made SO many decisions to get to just the first text. It was she that started it. I was pretty loose with my tounge due to being drunk. I laughed at her and started taking off my clothes and said you threw away this pointing to my body, (I'm going to get shit for it, but, I'm 6'4" and weigh 200#, up until last week I still jogged and lifted weights 4 times a week) for some pot bellied needle dick guy that wasn't going to do anything for her. I went to my room and had a shower. When I got out, she was in the bed naked. She had lit some candles and begged me to fuck her. I turned on my camera and told her to repeat what she said (I thank everyone who mentioned doing this, just in case) For whatever reason, my erection did not do a good job of convincing her that I didn't want to. So, I did it. I was NOT kind. I put her in uncomfortable positions and pounded her. I told her I wanted anal, and I wanted to hear her beg me for it. I recorded it ALL. I felt so many mixed emotions after. I love her, and I am indifferent to her, I hate her, and I think nothing of her. I want her and feel like I need her, but It hurts me to think of "Us" anymore. We fell asleep together. I woke up kind of hung over and had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror.
Tuesday DDay+5: Therapy was a 2 and a half hour session, unbeknownst to me, she followed me there and wanted to know what I was doing. I told her I was getting some therapy for the emotional trauma I had after realizing I had thrown away most of my life on someone who couldn't even give me a reason as to why she would cheat on me. I was a little loud and teary eyed. My soon to be new therapist saw most of the exchange. I called her horrible names and told her I wished her dead. Needless to say my session was intense. He prescribed some sedatives for me and I had another shorter appointment scheduled on Thursday. We discussed my anger and betrayal, my emasculation, my fear of the future. I explained I am terrified of the unknown. Last week I felt like a complete man. I had a vision and goals, I also had a partner to deal with any issues and obstacles. Now, I am a ship without a rudder, or mast. I feel no sense of direction, or power, or means to get away from this. He started explaining the "Why" that I wanted to know. It isn't a single question. It is a series of questions that is pretty interesting. I suppose you can apply it to any behavior that you want to explain the motivation behind it. He said instead I should calmly ask my STBXW, what within herself gave her permission to do this to me. There were several more to follow up with, but, this is what stuck out the most. I told him about the sex, he recommended that I lay out explicit ground rules regarding our physical relationship. He ultimately recommended that I don't do it anymore, it would confuse and exacerbate things tremendously, unless reconciliation was my goal. I cried, I raged. I left exhausted. STBXW was still outside waiting for me. I walked past her and didn't respond to her questions and pleading. I got a call from the physician's office to get tested and went to that appointment. I told him the short version. He recommended to stop drinking and take the sedatives cautiously. I went home and proceeded to continue removing my things from the house and boxing them up. I have decided I would move out. I called work and requested a face to face meeting. The thought of working, or concentrating on legitimate life and death issues is not possible in my current state of mind. I drove to the Administrative building at the hospital, met with the team and formally gave my 6 weeks resignation. I have such a niche, specialized job that 6 weeks is kind of a minimum courtesy. I put it succinctly that my STBXW's actions had caused a stressful home life, and I would be a detriment to patients, the team, and myself if I continued to remain in this area. I have decided to move away. Far away. I got home after picking up some groceries. It has been about a week since I have had more than a mouthful of food and have existed on liquor and not much else. I took both my therapists, and physician friends' advice and decided to make some food and stop drinking. She was home, sitting in the darkened living room drinking wine. She had organized the pictures and was looking through them. She had put on makeup and was wearing a "Date Night" dress. She had been crying alot. her makeup was in bad shape. She got up and tried to embrace me. I pushed her gently away and made a production of pulling out my phone and hitting record. She started crying again. She told me the AP's wife had called her and told her that he had had other women as well as her. She said that she was so much the fool and every derogatory name I had called her was right. She begged me to consider "Us." I said why bother, she didn't when she betrayed me. I told her I was sorry that her lies caught her out, but I felt that she was sorry she got caught, not remorseful for what she did to me. I told her I felt she was sorry that she was going to have to start over and that she was more upset about that, than losing any "Love" she had for me. I said that she abandoned her "Love" for me or "Us" 2 YEARS ago when she decided to do this. I kept piling it on her. I informed her of my call to the Corporate Compliance line and the specific rules she broke. I didn't raise my voice or act angry. I was shaking a bit, but it was like everything was leaving me in a rush. I felt elated and so low at the same time. I felt empty when I was done. I put up the few groceries I had bought and made a small sandwich, then went to bed. She was there again. I pulled out my phone and told her with the recorder going what my therapist had talked about in regards to sex. Keep in mind in 17 years, I can not recall a time when I've refused or declined sex from her. I asked her to leave and sleep in the guest bedroom. She refused. I said, fine, I would then.
Wednesday DDay+6: I woke up and she was curled up next to me. I removed myself and did some light exercises. I have been working on my resume and getting applications out. I might be working in Seattle by the end of the year! I love my parents and will miss being 20 minutes away from them, especially as they are becoming elderly. I can't stay in this city. The thought of "Running into" her after this is over is not something I want to entertain. I want to be free, and have NO reminders of my sense of loss and my lifetime of compromise. It was a pretty blah day and it rained off and on for most of it. I met up with my best friend and gave him a rundown over an early dinner. We decided not to drink. My attorney said that me moving away will not affect the outcome of the financials. I am going to live off my PTO until the end of October, and use my half of our liquid savings to relocate and settle. I feel empty and I am trying to laugh at his funny jokes, but it's an effort. I keep finding myself in a deep emptiness that has such a powerful pull. I have never thought about ending my own life, but for the past few days/nights I've had "Daydreams'' of what it would be like if I wasn't here. I am going to tell my therapist tomorrow. STBXW has been going to the library (I've been watching through Google) and reading relationship books. I have been reading Chump Lady. It is great stuff. She got a call from her work. I eavesdropped on a small portion of it, but I know she has a meeting tomorrow, despite her claiming to be "Sick." She was in bed again just like the past few nights. I am so conflicted, I just want to feel something, but I feel so little but hate and resentment for her, that the only sex I want is sadistic. I'll admit that during the abusive sex we had Monday I felt almost a runners high, but, there was a crash, and the next day I was angry at myself. I am doubting myself a small amount in regards to not wanting her back. I know she fucked up huge, but I don't know if I can forget it, or forgive it. I am a tangled mess. I told her the ground rules, with my phone recording, in regard to sex. I told her that it did NOT indicate reconciliation, or some covert signal that I wanted that. I told her this is probably hysterical bonding and not healthy. I told her that I was going to not be gentle nor care about her feelings or needs during it. She was teary eyed, and nodded understanding. She quietly said that she "Deserved it." She then rolled over and got on all 4's.
Thursday DDay+7: I woke up with her spooning me. I laid there for a while and heard her breathing change pattern. I could feel her looking at me. I asked with my back turned what her meeting was going to be about? She said it was an HR representitive and it was probably going to be bad. I said yup. She asked what she could do to make us right or equal again. I said nothing. She offered an open marriage on my end, she would not persue anyone, but I could. I chuckled, no. I don't trust her. She said that was fair. We had this conversation with my back to her, it was easier than looking at her. I get mad when I see her face. I asked what I did in this marriage that made her so unhappy she did this. She said I was beyond great. I chuckled again, well obviously that dosent matter. She said it was an adventure, like she lived off of the rush, she didn't realize until it was way too late that if she got caught or if something went wrong everyone would be hurt, she said it was a huge relief and an unforgettable pain when I confronted her. I got up and made us breakfast. I went to my therapist and told him my plan with work and already had responses to my applications. I told him everything about STBXW and the sex. We discussed my suicdal thoughts and talked about the process invlved with them. Again, he wasn't judging; he just wanted me to not get confused, or if I did not understand to stop and process. It was only a 1 hour (55 minute) session and I felt that weird calm again. Like nothing matters for now. everything just is. When I got home she was sitting in the living room. She told me that she was fired for breach of protocol with client information and violation of the data security protocols. I said, well that's too bad. I exercised and made a nice dinner, she joined me. We did'nt say much. While we were sitting in the living room she told me that AP had been fired as well. I said good. She told me she has had no contact with him in 5 days. I asked why not? They were both free now. She could fly out to her "Soul Mate" and have all the fun they wanted now. She said I was the only one she wanted. I said NO, you had me ALL of me, and it still was'nt enough. I told her that in the nearly 20 years of work, and our relationship, I had been approached and hit on too many times to count. I managed to not fall in love or fuck anyone else, now, I am so bitter and angry because of the compromises I made. She asked what compromises. I told her. My wanting to go to medical school, but decided to get married and be stable, my not wanting children, but, because they were a part of her, I accepted them and compromised. I said I made those compromises for our love. But, obviously I had misplaced my trust and love in her. I told her that if I could go back in time, I would tell 26 year old me to pass her up. She asked again what she could do to bring us back together. I told her that I will not EVER compromise for her again and that means we really can't have a healthy relationship. I told her I would NEVER love her again, and that at best, I would treat her like a sex toy. Otherwise, she would'nt factor into my plans or thoughts. I told her it was just a week ago, she was the first person I thought of when I woke up, and the last person I thought about when I went to sleep. Now it hurts too much to think about her.
I am going to walk away from this. I feel like it is starting to constantly remind me of things. I can not thank those kind people I could chat with and who shared their pain and stories that have helped me. This has been on a whole, a good thing for me to do, but I keep replaying things and feelings I'd rather just walk away from. I remain confused about what I want. I don't know if I will ever be 100% about anything with Her ever again. I have bi-weekly appointments for the next 4 weeks with my therapist.
submitted by Seamus5150 to u/Seamus5150 [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 08:22 SmallStepsBigDreams Autism Related Articles

Autism Related Articles
Applied Behavior Analysis Programs Guide - Top Autism Blogs-01
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By ABAPG Staff
July 2019
The world of autism, including autism research and autism education, are ever-evolving, making the blog the perfect forum to keep up with all that’s new and effective.
While there are hundreds of excellent autism-related blogs on the internet, we’re sure we’ve found 30 of the very best. Each blog on our list was chosen based on a list of factors including the reputation(s) of the person(s) or organization(s) managing the blog, consistency, and quality of posts, and the blog’s website metrics. The latter includes the number of monthly hits, the numbers of Facebook and Twitter followers, and the number of websites that link to that blog.
So whether you prefer to subscribe, bookmark, or just immerse, we’ve got your list of the 30 best autism blogs for 2019.
Age of Autism
With an average 11 new posts per week, the Age of Autism is a great blog to bookmark and refer to often. The blog keeps its readers up-to-date on autism news. It analyzes the environmental causes of autism and current treatment options from the perspective that autism is, in fact, treatable. Recent blog posts include, “A Modest Proposal for the Public Official Vaccine Compliance Act” and “The Neurodiversity Movement Should Acknowledge Autism as a Medical Disability.”
The Art of Autism
The Art of Autism is an inspiring blog written which seeks to inspire people with autism through the arts. About three new posts are added weekly. Each is written from the unique perspective of a physician, therapist, or parent. The blog entries are always topical and informative. They also include lots of information about new art exhibits, neurodiversity panels, and entertainment events.
Autism Adventures
Former special education teacher Melissa Finch runs the popular blog “Autism Adventures.” The blog is a valuable resource for parents and teachers of children on the autism spectrum. Blog posts range from everyday tips (“motivating kids with zero motivation”) to curriculum ideas to use in the classroom and at home.
The Autism Dad
With nearly 11,000 Facebook fans and 15,000 Twitter followers, The Autism Dad is the internet’s most popular autism-related blog that isn’t affiliated with a large organization. The blog is managed by a father of three autistic children who has made it his mission to “educate and help families like mine realize they aren’t alone.” On average, more than 30 new posts are added to the blog each week, on topics ranging from updates on his family to autism management tips and ideas.
Autism Daddy
The father of a teenage son with non-verbal autism is the manager of Autism Daddy, a blog followed by more than 150,000 people on social media. Not to be confused with The Autism Dad blog, Autism Daddy keeps its readers up-to-date on all that transpires in the author’s life: “the good & the bad, the pee & the poop.” New posts are published about once a month and are written on topics ranging from speech-language pathology to marriage, to tips for new autism parents.
Autism Eye
Autism Eye is the official blog of the quarterly magazine of the same name. Both the blog and magazine are written by award-winning journalists who also happen to be the parents of an autistic child. About two new articles hit the blog each week, and recent topics have included new drugs that boost brain connections, the need for better sex education, and respite centers.
The Autism Helper
While most autism-themed blogs are written by those with autism, or by parents of those with autism, The Autism Helper is written by Sasha Long, a behavior analyst, and special education teacher. This unique perspective makes it an invaluable resource, and the blog posts often include things like:
educational tools and worksheets
answers to parents’ commonly asked questions
tips for working around different behavioral issues.
Autism Parenting Magazine Archives
Most parents of children on the Autism Spectrum are familiar with Autism Parenting Magazine. This magazine has a blog on which it posts its archived, previously published articles. Everything posted focuses on issues affecting those with autism, and topics are varied.
Autism Resources and Community
This autism-focused blog at Stages Learning posts about once per week and has tons of great information for persons interested in the subject. Posts are often written by therapists and educators, and common topics include:
resources
lesson plans
general support
updates
information on various treatment options
The Autism Site Blog
The Autism Site Blog has become an invaluable resource for thousands of families coping with the challenges of autism. In fact, to form a community and provide assistance is exactly how this blog got started. Today, new posts appear daily and the blog enjoys more than 200,000 Facebook followers.
Autism Society Blog
The Autism Society Blog is the country’s foremost grassroots autism organization, so you can be sure its official blog is chock-full of inspiring stories and useful information. Indeed, each of the twice-monthly blog posts is meant to increase the public awareness of common issues faced by those on the autism spectrum. Therefore, common post topics include, among other subjects:
the advocation of new services
latest treatment information
summaries of new research.
Autism Speaks Blog
Autism Speaks is perhaps the most recognizable autism organization in the world, so its official blog was an easy addition to our list of the best autism blogs 2018. The blog is the perfect resource in which to immerse yourself, as topics covered include, among other things:
tips for practicing social skills
answers to commonly asked questions
analysis of the latest research.
Autism With a Side of Fries
For an honest look at a mother’s experiences with her autistic son, there may be no better blog than Autism With a Side of Fries. Eileen, the blog’s author, uses humor and passion to tell stories of her daily challenges and triumphs. She reminds her readers that when it comes to autism, “It’s better to laugh than to cry.”
Autistic Mama
Autistic Mama is a blog and valuable resource for parents, teachers, and other caregivers of children on the autism spectrum. Posts cover a variety of topics, including, among other things:
diagnosis
what it’s like to be autistic
advocacy
Recent blog posts include:
“What Exactly is Stimming and Why do Autistics Stim?”
“Outsourcing Math with Teaching Textbooks 3.0”
“Neurodiversity Doesn’t Exclude Your Autistic Child But You Might.”
Best Practice Autism
Best Practice Autism is the informative blog of Dr. Lee A. Wilkinson, physician, and author of A Best Practice Guide to Assessment and Intervention for Autism and Asperger Syndrome in Schools. Though more clinical than most other blogs on our list, Best Practice Autism is chock-full of valuable tips and information about autism assessment and education. Dr. Wilkinson posts about three posts per month. Recent topics have included:
“Alternative Therapies for Autism: Are They Effective”
“Affective and Cognitive Empathy in Autism.”
Faith, Hope, and Love…With Autism
This inspiring blog started out being written by the parent of Philip, an autistic child who remained nonverbal for the vast majority of his life. More recently, Philip has begun writing his own heartfelt posts. The blog follows Philip’s journey from silence, to communicating via letter board, to his current state of communication. The blog’s authors also write about staying faithful to God during the most difficult challenges.
Finding Cooper’s Voice
Kate is a mother of three boys, one of whom has severe, non-verbal autism. This tough mama began her blog, Finding Cooper’s Voice, as a way to document her feelings. But over the years, the blog has turned into a supportive community of parents and caregivers from all over the world. Kate’s posts provide an honest glimpse into the daily life of raising a child on the autism spectrum.
Happiness Is…: Navigating the World of Early Childhood Autism with One Special Little Boy
Happiness Is… is the delightful and informative blog of a mother of a young child on the autism spectrum. New posts appear monthly on topics such as raising a child with autism, the latest autism industry news, and reviews of autism-themed books, apps, and other resources.
Four Plus an Angel
For parents of children with autism, sometimes it’s nice to hear from other parents. That’s the goal of Jessica’s blog, Four Plus an Angel. Through inspiring blog posts, Jessica shares daily experiences about her family and reveals the ways in which autism no longer defines either her daughter or their family.
Go, Team Kate
Go Team Kate is a social media favorite and one of the best autism blogs on the internet. More than 15,000 people tune in for weekly posts following a little girl named Kate’s autism diagnosis and her family’s challenges and victories.
I Love ABA
Those interested in Applied Behavior Analysis should be sure to check out I Love ABA. This popular blog is chock full of:
free resources
lesson plans
an ABA glossary
autism “red flags”
everyday tips
Tameika, the blog’s founder and main contributor, strives to keep this valuable resource “non-intimidating and simple to grasp” for anyone who is interested.
The Journey Through Autism
The Journey Through Autism is the personal blog of Ethan, a teenager who was diagnosed at age two with high-functioning autism. Ethan documents the ways in which he is continuing to reach his goals, despite his ASD. He also posts inspiring and thought-provoking ideas for the ways in which educators, doctors, and other caregivers can improve their interaction with those with autism. A number of experts also contribute regularly to The Journey Through Autism.
Just a Lil Blog
Just a Lil Blog is a must-read for those readers who are looking for a humorous perspective on what is often a very serious subject. In fact, Just a Lil Blog can be downright hilarious. Written by Jim Walter, a single father of two daughters, one of whom is autistic, Just a Lil Blog documents Jim’s unique and challenging experiences with honesty, humor, and lots of love.
Look Me in the Eye
Look Me in the Eye is a unique blog for a number of reasons. First, while most blogs deal with the autism experiences of young children and their parents, this blog is written by John Elder Robison, an author in his 60s who has Asperger’s Syndrome. Most autism-themed blogs either recount challenging experiences or present educational material. Robison’s blog doubles as a literary serial of his life with Asperger’s and an educational blog with his thoughts on the evolution of the autism spectrum over the decades.
The Mom Kind
The Mom Kind is a website chock full of resources for parenting neurodiverse children. The site’s creator, Alicia, is an autism and parenting coach and uses the website’s blog to share her parenting expertise. Two of Alicia’s children are on the spectrum, and therefore there is a special emphasis on families with multiple children with ASD.
Raising Autistic Kids
Founded by Kate M., a San Diego-based mother of an autistic son, Raising Autistic Kids is “a community of moms and experts.” Kate writes many of the blog posts, and says that even though she’s been a parent for many years now, she is still a rookie “because, with ASD children, the milestones don’t apply.” Other blog posts are written by volunteer guest bloggers who tend to be other parents or experts in the field of Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Seattle Children’s Autism Blog
The Seattle Children’s Autism Center is one of the foremost of its kind in the country, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that its official blog is one of the best of its kind. The blog features all kinds of helpful information for parents of children with autism, including encouraging stories, how-to’s, tips for keeping one’s patience and sanity, and even a blogcast.
Stimeyland
There are dozens of excellent blogs written by parents of children with autism. There are far fewer blogs written by autistic parents of autistic children. But Stimeyland is one of those rare blogs. Stimey’s experiences as an autistic parent herself provide readers with a unique perspective on common challenges, major triumphs in life, and recently, her daughter’s coming out as transgender.
Squidalicious
Squidalicious is the popular autism blog of Shannon Rosa, a self-proclaimed geek, and mother of the teenage Leo, who has autism. Shannon’s blog is often humorous in tone, even as she writes about the challenges she and Leo face, new information (and misinformation) in the world of autism, and even politics.
Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism
For those who wish to immerse themselves in an informative blog with evidence-based articles on autism, look no further than Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism. The blog posts approximately four in-depth articles per month, each of which is written by an autism parent or autism professional.
https://smallstepsbd.ae/
submitted by SmallStepsBigDreams to u/SmallStepsBigDreams [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 02:20 seaThrowaway882 29 [M4F] Seattle - Looking for a woman who wants to explore kink

Hey everyone! Hope quarantine isn't driving everyone crazy.
So I've kind of resorted to coming to Reddit, mostly because I'm looking for a pretty specific kind of dynamic with someone I can also have a romantic connection with, and given it isn't exactly something I'd write on a dating app description, I figured I'd give it a shot on here. Since everyone is inside, maybe more people are online. :p
I'm hoping to see if there are any women out there who are looking to explore kinks and fetishes.
I've got a pretty wide array of kink-related interests and experiences that I'm hoping to share with someone else. I'm pretty open to most things, ranging from dom/sub/switch dynamics, bdsm, spanking, anal play, pegging, roleplays like petplay, DD/lg or MM/lb or ABDL, and others) and am pretty much into exploring any new kinks you might have and pushing boundaries to keep things interesting. I'd make a comparison to Christian Grey, but I feel like he might be a bit vanilla for my tastes.
About me: I'm a 29 year old young professional in Seattle, college educated and interested in the world and people. I'm in good shape (have been an athlete my whole life), and I'd say I'm conventionally attractive as well. I'm fairly confident and funloving, have a great sense of humor, love being active and outdoors, but also enjoy sitting inside and watching a movie or reading (which is especially nice during the rainy part of the year). I'm a coffee fan, and enjoy traveling and trying out new random things in the city. I've got a good life generally speaking, like to go out and be social with friends, etc. This kinky side of me is definitely something I keep generally pretty hidden and discrete from the rest of my life, so I'd think most people would be surprised if they knew.
I am hoping to find someone who matches up well with me. Ideally around my age (in your 20's), adventurous and curious. I do stay pretty active and ideally that person would also value that too. And of course, someone who is into kink and who would be interested in chatting and (if there is chemistry) possibly meeting up at some point when things calm down a bit. For me, sex is also about connections, so I'd love to know a bit about yourself too (whatever you feel comfortable sharing with some random guy over Reddit) and your interests, sexually or not. Whether you are experienced or just curious, I would love to hear from you. :)
I would be happy to discuss the specifics with anyone interested over DM. There is mutual interest, maybe we can figure out a virtual meetup or something to get to know each other better, and gauge chemistry. And if this sounds sort of like a dating post, its because it sort of is in a way. I'm very open to a pathway to this turning into a real relationship if sparks fly, so who knows?
submitted by seaThrowaway882 to r4rSeattle [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 21:09 anonymousguy_19 Gay Dating Peak: Does it come after college?

I was wondering if there was a gay dating peak. I’m 19 & in college and just starting to date but it doesn’t seem like there are a ton of options. I’m more attracted to guys 25-28 but they mostly aren’t interested in me bc I’m so young or they just want sex. I also go to college in a smaller college town where there aren’t that many options. Does it get better after college? I’m thinking of moving to a bigger city like NYC, Chicago, Seattle, etc. after I graduate but it just feels like forever to wait and I have like no experience and I’m actually interested in a LTR.
submitted by anonymousguy_19 to AskGayMen [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 16:57 Dyeoblivion Did I (29M) screw up by not having sex with my date (25F)

So a little context, we’ve been talking pretty much everyday since July and have had three really good dates through last Tuesday. She hasn’t really dated or seen someone for the last couple years due to her last relationship and neither have I. We were supposed to have our fourth date yesterday (Labor Day) but she had to reschedule, since she had to get a few things done with school before her birthday trip this upcoming weekend and she’s going to Seattle next weekend.
Usually she’s really good at texting me back, especially if we have to move our date or anything as we’ve done that in the past but I didn’t hear from her until about 9pm about rescheduling. (We originally had planned for her to come over after 4)
This is her response:
Well, on Saturday while I was out with some friends, she texted me about wanting to hang out at around 11pm and also asked about staying over. (The furthest we’ve done was cuddle, haven’t made out or fooled around). I agreed and she came over and we just hung out and cuddled for a bit before heading to bed since she had to work the next morning and I had a fantasy draft. Well fast forward to later that night/early morning, we were making out and she made the first move and I had to stop her before anything else happened, only due to the fact that I wasn’t really ready yet. (We just talked about letting things go at it’s current pace and not putting a label on this yet since it’s still early). She kind of took offense when I had stopped her and she said she felt stupid about making a move on me. I calmed her down and apologized that wasn’t the intention I had and only wanted to take things slow/obviously wanted to have sex but just wasn’t ready yet. Everything seemed fine after, and we still made out/cuddled through the morning and she got ready at my place before heading to work. I Checked in on her after my fantasy draft (through text, since she was working) since neither of us got a good night’s sleep and how work was but didn’t hear back until around 9pm, with the below.
We’ve rescheduled our date for next Monday and she asked me about how my day was yesterday but she seems kind of distant or not as responsive as she usually has been. Did I screw up by not having sex with her Saturday or am I just over analyzing this?
Update: she texted me this and I’m not totally sure what it means. Are we done?
submitted by Dyeoblivion to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.07 14:21 mionestyles I ranked every episode by season

Season 1 - All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library, go to the card catalogue and see my name under "Mental Illness.":
  1. Dinner at Eight
  2. Give Him the Chair!
  3. I Hate Frasier Crane
  4. My Coffee with Niles
  5. Travels with Martin
  6. Frasier Crane's Day Off
  7. The Crucible
  8. Here's Looking at You
  9. Author, Author
  10. Miracle on Third or Fourth Street
  11. You Can't Tell a Crook by His Cover
  12. Oops!
  13. A Mid-Winter Night's Dream
  14. Selling Out
  15. Call Me Irresponsible
  16. The Show Where Lilith Comes Back
  17. Fortysomething
  18. And the Whimper Is...
  19. Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast?
  20. Beloved Infidelity
  21. Death Becomes Him
  22. Can't Buy Me Love
  23. Space Quest
  24. The Good Son
Season 2 - There's nothing wrong with Maris that wouldn't be cured by a little sun, some exercise and a personality:
  1. The Innkeepers
  2. Slow Tango in South Seattle
  3. The Candidate
  4. Flour Child
  5. The Club
  6. Retirement is Murder
  7. Adventures in Paradise: Part 1
  8. Adventures in Paradise: Part 2
  9. Duke's, We Hardly Knew Ye
  10. Daphne's Room
  11. Fool Me Once, Shame on You. Fool Me Twice...
  12. The Matchmaker
  13. Burying a Grudge
  14. Breaking the Ice
  15. Roz in the Doghouse
  16. The Unkindest Cut of All
  17. The Botched Language of Cranes
  18. Dark Victory
  19. Agents in America, Part III
  20. You Scratch My Book...
  21. An Affair to Forget
  22. Seat of Power
  23. The One Where Sam Shows Up
  24. Someone to Watch Over Me
Season 3 - She's such a groovy lady:
  1. Martin Does It His Way
  2. Chess Pains
  3. High Crane Drifter
  4. Look Before You Leap
  5. Moon Dance
  6. Where There's Smoke, There's Fired
  7. You Can Go Home Again
  8. Kisses Sweeter Than Wine
  9. The Last Time I Saw Maris
  10. Crane vs. Crane
  11. Police Story
  12. The Focus Group
  13. Come Lie with Me
  14. The Friend
  15. Frasier Loves Roz
  16. Shrink Rap
  17. Frasier Grinch
  18. Sleeping with the Enemy
  19. She's the Boss
  20. It's Hard to Say Goodbye If You Won't Leave
  21. A Word to the Wiseguy
  22. The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl
  23. The Show Where Diane Comes Back
  24. Leapin' Lizards
Season 4 - Her lips said "No," but her eyes said "Read my lips.":
  1. Ham Radio
  2. A Lilith Thanksgiving
  3. To Kill a Talking Bird
  4. Three Days of the Condo
  5. Our Father Whose Art Ain't Heaven
  6. Are You Being Served?
  7. The Impossible Dream
  8. Head Game
  9. The Unnatural
  10. The Two Mrs. Cranes
  11. A Cranes' Critique
  12. Ask Me No Questions
  13. Death and the Dog
  14. Four for the Seesaw
  15. Roz's Turn
  16. Odd Man Out
  17. Dad Loves Sherry, the Boys Just Whine
  18. Mixed Doubles
  19. Roz's Krantz and Gouldenstein Are Dead
  20. Love Bites Dog
  21. Liar! Liar!
  22. Three Dates and a Break Up
  23. Daphne Hates Sherry
Season 5 - You're not even the sex I want!:
  1. Voyage of the Damned
  2. The Life of the Party
  3. Perspectives on Christmas
  4. The Ski Lodge
  5. Room Service
  6. Halloween
  7. Bad Dog
  8. The Perfect Guy
  9. First Date
  10. The 1000th Show
  11. The Gift Horse
  12. Frasier's Imaginary Friend
  13. Desperately Seeking Closure
  14. The Kid
  15. My Fair Frasier
  16. Sweet Dreams
  17. Roz and the Schnoz
  18. Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do
  19. The Maris Counselor
  20. Party, Party
  21. Frasier Gotta Have It
  22. Where Every Bloke Knows Your Name
  23. The Zoo Story
  24. Beware of Greeks
Season 6 - Poppity-pop-pop-pop!:
  1. The Seal Who Came to Dinner
  2. Dinner Party
  3. Three Valentines
  4. IQ
  5. How to Bury a Millionaire
  6. Good Grief
  7. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Moskowitz
  8. Hot Ticket
  9. Dial M for Martin
  10. When a Man Loves Two Women
  11. Secret Admirer
  12. Frasier's Curse
  13. Our Parents, Ourselves
  14. Taps at the Montana
  15. Dr. Nora
  16. To Tell the Truth
  17. Shutout in Seattle
  18. First, Do No Harm
  19. Roz, a Loan
  20. Visions of Daphne
  21. Decoys
  22. Good Samaritan
  23. The Show Where Woody Shows Up
Season 7 - I think you can call me "Niles" now:
  1. They're Playing Our Song
  2. Radio Wars
  3. Out with Dad
  4. RDWRER
  5. A Tsar is Born
  6. Whine Club
  7. Back Talk
  8. The Three Faces of Frasier
  9. The Late Dr. Crane
  10. Father of the Bride
  11. The Apparent Trap
  12. The Fight Before Christmas
  13. Dark Side of the Moon
  14. Momma Mia
  15. Something Borrowed, Someone Blue
  16. Morning Becomes Entertainment
  17. Rivals
  18. Everyone's a Critic
  19. To Thine Old Self Be True
  20. Hot Pursuit
  21. The Dog That Rocks the Cradle
  22. Something About Dr. Mary
  23. Big Crane on Campus
Season 8 - You NEVER GIVE OPERA A CHANCE!:
  1. The Cranes Go Caribbean
  2. The Show Must Go Off
  3. Taking Liberties
  4. Motor Skills
  5. Hooping Cranes
  6. The Great Crane Robbery
  7. Sliding Frasiers
  8. Forgotten But No Gone
  9. And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon
  10. Daphne Returns
  11. Legal Tender Love and Care
  12. Frasier's Edge
  13. Cranes Unplugged
  14. It Takes Two to Tangle
  15. A Day in May
  16. Docu.Drama
  17. Hungry Heart
  18. The Wizard and Roz
  19. The New Friend
  20. The Bad Son
  21. Mary Christmas
  22. Semi-Decent Proposal
  23. A Passing Fancy
Season 9 - Yes, immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this… America:
  1. Bla-Z-Boy
  2. War of the Words
  3. Room Full of Heroes
  4. Mother Load: Part 1
  5. Mother Load: Part 2
  6. The Love You Fake
  7. Frasier Has Spokane
  8. The Proposal
  9. The Return of Martin Crane
  10. The Two Hundredth Episode
  11. The First Temptation of Daphne
  12. The Guilt Trippers
  13. Juvenilia
  14. Love Stinks
  15. Don Juan in Hell
  16. Three Blind Dates
  17. Moons Over Seattle
  18. Wheels of Fortune
  19. Deathtrap
  20. Bully for Martin
  21. Junior Agent
  22. Sharing Kirby
  23. Cheerful Goodbyes
Season 10 - With many awful facts about the scary hippopotamus!:
  1. Door Jam
  2. Enemy at the Gate
  3. Farewell Nervosa
  4. Fraternal Schwinns
  5. Star Mitzvah
  6. Roe to Perdition
  7. Fathers and Sons
  8. Rooms with a View (Part 2)
  9. Proxy Prexy
  10. Daphne Does Dinner
  11. We Two Kings
  12. Tales from the Crypt
  13. Analyzed Kiss
  14. Kenny on the Couch
  15. The Harassed
  16. The Ring Cycle
  17. Don't Go Breaking My Heart (Part 3)
  18. Some Assembly Required
  19. Lilith Needs a Favor
  20. Bristle While You Work (Part 1)
  21. A New Position for Roz
  22. The Devil and Dr. Phil
  23. Trophy Girlfriend
  24. Kissing Cousins
Season 11 - "Fridge pants.":
  1. Goodnight Seattle
  2. High Holidays
  3. The Doctor is Out
  4. Boo!
  5. Crock Tales
  6. Caught in the Act
  7. I'm Listening
  8. Frasier-Lite
  9. Guns N' Neuroses
  10. Murder Most Maris
  11. Coots and Ladders
  12. Freudian Sleep
  13. Detour
  14. And Frasier Makes Three
  15. The Babysitter
  16. SeaBee Jeebies
  17. The Placeholder
  18. Maris Returns
  19. Match Game
  20. Miss Right Now
  21. The Ann Who Came to Dinner
  22. A Man, a Plan and a Gal: Julia
  23. No Sex Please, We're Skittish
submitted by mionestyles to Frasier [link] [comments]


2020.09.05 19:46 Heliophobe_ My boyfriend and I just broke up for a very mature reason and I'm giving up for good

Before I met my now-ex boyfriend I took a long path to becoming okay with myself, willing to live alone, enjoying my own company. I have my own place, I enjoy creating music and art, and for the first time in my life I learned to love myself. I don't need anybody to make me happy.
After I got to that place I met him. From the start he was different from all the men I'd let myself be pushed around by before; I made it clear I wouldn't put up with less than being treated well. I have been in a horribly abusive relationship before and would drop a man before letting it get anywhere near that point. And he understood that. He had been raised by three women from the age of ten, his mother, her then-wife and his aunt so he knew how to treat women.
His father, like mine, was physically and emotionally abusive and left at a young age. He knew how that had affected him and was moving past it, becoming his own person. And he treated me so well, taking me out on adventures and spending more than was responsible on me. He listened when I needed it, he laughed at my jokes, he called me beautiful and strong and the quintessential punk rock girl. He stayed over multiple times a week, texted me every day, couldn't get enough of me. We couldn't spend enough time together. He drove me to and from work so I didn't have to take the bus and let me know if I ever needed a ride or anything he would be there. He bought my mom a bottle of Moscato for her birthday.
We were going to take a road trip to Seattle October 9. I had always wanted to take a road trip like On the Road, and to me he seemed like the reincarnation of Jack Kerouac. Thoughtful, adventurous, self-sufficient, zen. We were both so excited to go. We were going at the end of this month to camp and watch the crane migration. We had so many plans and there was no indication that anything would stop us.
Except that he was a bit self-centered. Not toward me at all, but his main goal in life was to keep himself alive and alright through anything that happened.
I had started taking birth control again after we met, and a couple weeks after we started having sex I realized the birth control was affecting me. The artificial pregnancy hormones were fucking with my mood, I was starting to feel the way I had most of my life, I was becoming anxious and miserable and I had been bleeding heavily for two weeks straight. I asked him if we could switch to condoms, he agreed and said he was happy I was getting off something that was making me feel bad.
I stopped the birth control, and two days later we were fooling around in my bed and he penetrated me. He pulled out before he came.
Last night when he picked me up from work he was anxious and asked what I would do if I were to become pregnant. I told him I would carry it to term, I would't want to go through the traumatic experience of an abortion. I don't want to bring a child into the world either, my mother married the man who knocked her up and is still stuck in an abusive relationship, but I resolve not to become pregnant at all. He didn't want a kid at any cost. His father resented him for existing, and he didn't want to be a resentful or absentee father, and he couldn't handle knowing he had a kid out there. I understood where he was coming from as he understood me. It was only the last resort we couldn't agree on, what would happen if the unthinkable happened.
We talked in circles, he dropped me off, and this morning he asked me out to coffee. We continued to talk, got a Plan B just to give him peace of mind, and continued the conversation. He didn't want to break up, but he said that it bothered him that I would make a decision that wasn't in his best interest. Typically there would be a compromise but there wasn't here. He wanted us to stop having sex, and while I was alright with that I was concerned about the implications, that there wasn't long term potential with us. He wanted to take it day by day. I didn't want to waste my time. I told him I still love him. He said he loves me too. He offered to give me a ride to work tonight. I declined.
We pulled into my parking lot. I told him so long and thanks for everything. I took my backup mask and the Bob Marley cassette I had lent him out of the glove box and left.
Every time something ends I decide I'm done with dating, but this time it may be it. He was amazing in every other way and now that that's the standard I doubt I'll find anything like it. It's not worth the effort looking. The tears have finally started to come.
submitted by Heliophobe_ to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 15:58 mitsayantan With Extreme Prejudice. 2020-08-23

Overview
Background
Douglas Warner is a prominent lawyer and a close friend of Kenneth Brackhaven. He is a Humanis member who hates magic and set up the Warner Foundation, using his resources to make lives more difficult for awakened. Douglas never married and had adopted two orphaned children Octavius Warner and Angela Warner Hudson. When Octavius developed magic, he was pressured into being a pariah, which he later changed back to Chaos. Eventually Douglas found out they had a falling out and Douglas named Angela as his heir. This was unacceptable for Octavius and together with all his years of pent up anger, he concocted a plan to kill his father.
Meet
The meet took place at the Rebellion. The runners were taken to a Faraday caged room where they were asked to directly connect to a DNI conference. The Johnson used discrete matrix coordinates to hold a meeting, his face never shown and with a proxy voice. The J tells the runners that Douglas Warner is going to organize a Humanis Party in Bellevue Seattle (Seattle Marriott) with many prominent members of the city (including Kenneth Brackhaven). The Job is multi step and must be done on that day:
  1. The J gives the runners an encrypted file which they must hack into the venue’s host and play this on the projector screen.
  2. Kill Douglas Warner in a loud, gang violence style.
  3. Cause as much mayhem as doable. Killing others if necessary.
  4. Record the killing and send the data to him.
Run
The runners find out from the Johnson that Douglas Warner is a Null wizard Pariah. It was his own failings and frustrations that led him down the path to humanis and hating magic. The runners also find the datachip contains video of Angela Warner Hudson having sex with a troll in a hotel room. The motive was clear and the runners had suspicions who was behind it.
The players discovered on the guest list was were members of the Yakuza and the Governor Kenneth Brackhaven himself. Knowing they cannot do the mission successfully with Brackhaven's security around, they used a car bomb attack as a distraction to prevent Brackhaven from coming to the event. They also impersonated Hanzo Shotozumi and spoofed a call to the yakuza delegates asking them to not come. The runners then rented rooms in the Marriot and used gas vented into the air ducts as well as large quantities of grenades to cause the assassination and massive collateral damage as requested.
Aftermath
With Douglas and his immediate heir dead, the Douglas estate fell to the disfavored son Octavious. The riches, his god given magical talent and his scheming nature helped him seal the rank of Rasputin of Seattle within the Black lodge as well as gain access to Humanis and the Arch conservative party.
Expenses
submitted by mitsayantan to NeonAAR [link] [comments]


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2020.08.28 09:57 60221023sToast F4F - femme seeking FWB... .for science

So this is going to be a bit awkward & cringy, maybe a bit TMI... but ima just put it out there anyway...
So... I need a fuck buddy... but for science! Lol... I’m a fun, attractive, successful, adventurous trans woman... and I’m trying to decide if I want to get “bottom surgery” or keep what I’ve got. Before transitioning PIV was the only sex I enjoyed... but it’s been a really long time since I’ve slept with a cis woman and estrogen has radically transformed my body... including my penis. I don’t get as hard or big as before and sometimes even a little tender... so I’m just not sure how PIV sex is now. The few times I’ve tried to “top” was anal and it was way too tight and painful for me... I’m having a bit of an existential crisis. The only penetrative sex I’ve been able to enjoy since transitioning was vaginal.... but it’s been so long I’m not even sure where that stands now. I’m at the point where if I can’t use my penis for sex, I definitely want bottom surgery.
I’ve ostensibly been single since my divorce 3 years ago and I’ve been pretty focused on my career.... which is just an excuse... really, I’m too much of a chicken shit to put myself out there in real life... pretty girls are terrifying lmao... I‘m utterly useless! Dating as a lesbian is tough enough and being trans doesn’t make it any easier! Not to mention COVID.
I swear I’m a kind and very normal chill person. I know this seems like a crazy idea... but really I’m just looking for a friend who is willing to help me explore my new body... and we can have fun and enjoy each other’s bodies and company along the way! I’ve got my own place near downtown Seattle... we can meet for coffee or go for a walk.... if we vibe, we can hang out at my place, maybe make dinner, share a bottle of wine, watch a move, cuddle, and do whatever feels natural.
In case you’re wondering, I’m in my early 30s. I’m femme, relatively fit and attractive. I am 5’10 HWP, 36DD, 6.5-7” down below....
I’m really big on safety so please be ready to talk on the phone, video chat, or otherwise verify you’re not some dude collecting photos. Maybe tell me something unique to our city that you like so I know you’re not a bot.... I’ll say that we just got a NHL team which will play @ the former Key Arena... which will almost certainly be referred to as the “KrackHouse” lol.
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Sex Trafficked as a Teen, Woman Claims Seattle-Area Hotels ... 83-Year-Old Grandmother Still Has Sex Three Times a Week ... Dating in Seattle  Tinder & Bumble Review Craigslist personals moved to https://doublelist.com - YouTube Seattle's Prostitution on Aurora - YouTube How to Be a Hotwife at a Swinger Club - Matt & Bianca ... Evolution of Jewish Dating - YouTube 5 Best Porn Sites - YouTube You deserve to watch this in slow motion - YouTube Seattle: The Utopian Lie  NOIR S7E8 - YouTube

Love, Sex, Masturbation, Dating, and the Most Secretive ...

  1. Sex Trafficked as a Teen, Woman Claims Seattle-Area Hotels ...
  2. 83-Year-Old Grandmother Still Has Sex Three Times a Week ...
  3. Dating in Seattle Tinder & Bumble Review
  4. Craigslist personals moved to https://doublelist.com - YouTube
  5. Seattle's Prostitution on Aurora - YouTube
  6. How to Be a Hotwife at a Swinger Club - Matt & Bianca ...
  7. Evolution of Jewish Dating - YouTube
  8. 5 Best Porn Sites - YouTube
  9. You deserve to watch this in slow motion - YouTube
  10. Seattle: The Utopian Lie NOIR S7E8 - YouTube

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